About Experts Sitemap - Group 40 - Page 67 2016-09-20

Parenting Stepchildren: Parenting older stepchildren, infrequent visits, hard feelings
infrequent visits, hard feelings, minimal input: WOW! Let me tell you my story. I have been with my husband for 12 years. My stepchildren are 19 and almost 17. We also had them off and on for years, then things got too bad with ex and the children (bad bad things) and we moved out of state. At...

Parenting Stepchildren: Parenting a Spoiled Step-Child 12, young lady, 3 years
young lady, 3 years, parenting: You don t mention if you have any children of your own, I am going to assume you don t. When I met my husband I didn t have any children, and a lot of the things I didn t like back then I feel different about now that I have my own. It is hard to know...

Parenting Stepchildren: Parenting Stepchildren, stepdaughter, favorite show
stepdaughter, favorite show, stepchildren: She simply may not be capable or willing to express affection or love in the same way that you are. It is possible to push her away by forcing her to act in a way that she may be uncomfortable. Does she play games with you, does she talk to you, do you have...

Parenting Stepchildren: Parenting Stepdaughter killing marriage, marriage counseling, parenting styles
marriage counseling, parenting styles, parenting children: Hello Kelly, Yes, a few... Your differences in disciplining can actually compliment each other, if done fairly. An eight year cannot destroy a marriage unless she is given amazing power and control over it -- as in this case. You both need to stop fighting...

Parenting Stepchildren: Parenting stepchildren, child psychologist, mail form
child psychologist, mail form, difficult decisions: I am glad you talked to her. She may not have seemed like she heard you, but your words will remain, she may come around. Hang in there. Be the best you can be to the child, that is what will matter in the long run. As I said before, this is going to...

Parenting Stepchildren: Parenting teenage step-children, full custody, good relationship
full custody, good relationship, son and daughter: Your kids are well past the age where they are going to take well to someone else telling them what to do, exspecially if it is someone they don t like. I think you are correct, and many experts agree, the new spouse should not discipline under most circumstances....

Parenting Stepchildren: Parenting, full custody, playing games
full custody, playing games, best interest: He can only do so with a court order. The only way a court would order such a thing (most likely) is if he could prove it was in the best interest of the children. For instance if you drink a lot or are abusive. If he can not prove either of those things...

Parenting Stepchildren: Potential of violence from 9 yr old stepson?, parenting ideas, repressed anger
parenting ideas, repressed anger, daught: Victoria, My first impression with you letter is that you are reading too much into what ifs . You are engaged to a man that has baggage. His child has baggage and will have issues for the rest of his life. Before you go any further with this man and his...

Parenting Stepchildren: Problems with boyfriends daughter, daugter, stepmom
daugter, stepmom, stepdaughter: I have been through this. My hubby s ex would tell his daughter (and son) awful things about me. Even though she trully was the evil one the kids (mainly the daughter) didn t see it that way at all. The little girl hated me, still does. My husband and...

Parenting Stepchildren: Problems with stepson, joint custody, stepson
joint custody, stepson, responsibilty: Dear Nicole, It is important to recognize that this 5 year old has gone through a lot. I am sure that his misses his mommy. At his age he doesn t care what she has done and I have to tell you that he may never see her for who she really is. Abandoned children...

Parenting Stepchildren: parenting, step families, gathering information
step families, gathering information, old girl: Hi Tammie, Welcome to the world of step families!! Tammie, it s very important that you spend some time seriously evaluating and gathering information. You need to understand what typical step family life is like and what kind of lifestyle you are comfortable...

Parenting Stepchildren: my partner doesn't except my child from a previous relationship, daughters room, great relationship
daughters room, great relationship, finding a way: Hi Crissie, It sounds like your husband is having some difficulty in finding a way to fit into your daughter s life. Hiding the food is his attempt to gain control of the situation. It s unfair to your daughter and it sounds like he is dealing with some...

Parenting Stepchildren: party with both sets of parents, school kindergarten, paternal grandmother
school kindergarten, paternal grandmother, step dad: Hi Tori, It seems to me you ve already made your decision about the party. As far as the brother goes. I think it s great that she really wants him to be there. That shows that she cares about him and that you guys have done a good job of fostering...

Parenting Stepchildren: problem stepdaughter, sharp tongue, snide remarks
sharp tongue, snide remarks, wits end: Hello Jackie, So allow me to fully understand this... this teen is obnoxious, rude and disrespectful to you in your home, and your husband thinks it s funny and witty ???? Others have called her on being rude to you and he actually gets angry with...

Parenting Stepchildren: problem stepson, twins sons, juvenile probation
twins sons, juvenile probation, probation violation: Dear Kay, I am sipping my coffee. You have taken on a lot of baggage haven t you? What type of bomb has to explode before DAD wakes up here?! Unfortunately it appears that DAD has told the court that he will be responsible for this 18 year old. That was...

Parenting Stepchildren: problematic step child, inappropriate behaviors, hopes and dreams
inappropriate behaviors, hopes and dreams, step sister: Hello Wafa, The issue as I see it, is stability and what instability is doing to the lad. He has no real home. He has no real security. A good thing about you gaining custody would mean that he now may acquire stability, rules and boundaries. Something...

Parenting Stepchildren: problems with the stepson who is 21yrs old, marriage issue, stepson
marriage issue, stepson, alchol: Let me get this right - stepson tried to get your in trouble with the law over something you didn t do, but hubby felt son was justified? End it. You have no support from hubby, he thinks you are doing things to cause your stepson problems...End it. ...

Parenting Stepchildren: problems with stepson, stepkids, evil ones
stepkids, evil ones, stepson: Wow, I can relate to this. My husband s ex was a stripper, druggy, lazy excuse for a Mom. (She has since died) The kids thought she was all that even though she didn t have a job, ( I don t call stripping a job)she didn t keep a house, she didn t get...

Parenting Stepchildren: The Quilt of the Stepparent, being a stepmother, source of pain
being a stepmother, source of pain, tremendous pain: Hello - you write eloquently of a common stepfamily burden. I wonder if you have *really* been able to accept that you are a stepfamily. Doing so frees you to love your biological children differently than your stepchildren, which is human nature. It also...

Parenting Stepchildren: question about ex spouse's new spouse's, blended family, new woman
blended family, new woman, greatest challenge: Hello Julia, She has every right to be there as a support to your Ex. She is becoming an active role maker in your child s life. My suggestion is to stop being jealous and understand that you will always be this child s mother. No one can take that away...

Parenting Stepchildren: Raising two stepchildren, poor hygeine, stay at home mom
poor hygeine, stay at home mom, sibling rivalry: There doesn t seem to be a question here about step-parenting. Seems the problem is not witht he children, but with your boyfriend. My suggestion would be to ask another expert in that area as far as how you can improve that relationship. However, you...

Parenting Stepchildren: RESENTMENT and bad feelings towards my stepson, stay at home mom, bad feelings
stay at home mom, bad feelings, compassionate person: Hello Rita, First...BREATHE! You ve just had a baby (9 months)ago. Postpartum is sometimes attached to women who have had a baby. Hormones are all out of kilt and makes the woman rage with all types of conflicting emotions. Add stress to the mixture...

Parenting Stepchildren: Re: Biological Fathers Choices, hello colin, biological fathers
hello colin, biological fathers, supervised visits: Hello Colin, A five year old with a pierced ear. Do you believe that this five year old was capable of such a decision? I can tell you he wasn t. He was probably trying to please dad and did it for him and is now claiming to like it because dad does ....

Parenting Stepchildren: Returning Step-child with lack of respect, own two feet, true respect
own two feet, true respect, lack of respect: Hello again, We all want our children, either biochildren or stepchildren, to be successful. I give you credit for at least caring enough to want this situation to be better; by being concerned and by making an effort and stepping in where a parent had...

Parenting Stepchildren: Role of Stepdaughter in Our Family, 2 girls, nothing but trouble
2 girls, nothing but trouble, stepdaughter: You are not being unreasonable, your feelings are real, and they are understandable. You husband is not being very fair to you. I would urge you to talk to him about the fact they are over 18 and you no longer have to let them in your house! It is your...

Parenting Stepchildren: Rude stepdaughter, unacceptable behaviour, daugher
unacceptable behaviour, daugher, stepdaughter: Dianna, I want to apologize and let you know that I never received your second e-mail. I just sent a e-mail to the system administrator asking them what happened and how to avoid this in the future. I do care about your question, can you re-send it to...

Parenting Stepchildren: random lying, panic mode, dinner time
panic mode, dinner time, tantrums: Two months isn t panic mode yet. It is probably just adjustment, she is worried probably and can not properly express that. I suggest lots of love, lots of discipline, and patience. Punish her for her lying, always with love, and let her know you love...

Parenting Stepchildren: re: PARTNER'S BEHAVIOUR, separation anxiety, lad
separation anxiety, lad, boundaries: Hello Belinda, I m not really sure what the issue was. Your partner suffered separation anxiety from his 11 year old son and insisted on you taking him back to stay with him. Then you drove home alone with your son at 3:00 a.m. plus. Was there a concern...

Parenting Stepchildren: recent difficulties, own shortcomings, biological child
own shortcomings, biological child, stepparent: Hello Erin, I could recommend that you allow the girl to make her own sandwich in the morning to her own liking. And, I could recommend that you get into counseling and learn how to work better together as a team. I could also say that I completely understand...

Parenting Stepchildren: My relationship with my step son., peter gerlach, triangles
peter gerlach, triangles, qa: Hi Charles - I need more information on what your problems are. I suspect from what you wrote you and your mate may (1) have not accepted your stepfamily identity and what it means, and (2) are having trouble resolving a loyalty conflict and associated relationship...

Parenting Stepchildren: About to remarry, stepfamily, wonderful woman
stepfamily, wonderful woman, attentions: Hi Stuart - your story is a familiar one. You describe a standard stepfamily loyalty conflict. There is a solution, but it is very hard for most bioparents. From what you wrote, I suspect that the two of you may not have researched stepfamilies well enough...

Parenting Stepchildren: I resent my 13 year old step daughter!!!, sick to my stomach, horrible person
sick to my stomach, horrible person, step daughter: Hello Jennifer, Having feelings of resentment towards a child creating havoc in your home is understandable. While reading your letter, I couldn t help but ask myself, why isn t the biomom more actively involved with her child? Instead of passing the...

Parenting Stepchildren: resenting stepchildren, dangerous job, good heart
dangerous job, good heart, stepchildren: Hello Toby, I would like to offer you this advice. Waiting to have children of your own because you are too busy taking care of another s children will build resentment. Should you rush into a pregnancy based on this, however... I think you both need to...

Parenting Stepchildren: Sad child upon return from visitation, thanksgiving christmas, sad child
thanksgiving christmas, sad child, culture shock: Dear Dave: What a lucky little boy and his mother to have a stepfather like you. I went through the same thing as your stepson when I was a child except we would spend three months in Mexico with our father and life was VERY different then, 1966, in...

Parenting Stepchildren: SD 11 yrs old, step brother, step sisters
step brother, step sisters, sd 11: Let me tell you, I have been there. I think what happens is this. YOU are the REAL Mom, you are the one that loves her, you are the one that grounds her, etc. You are safe, deep down she knows your love is there. Now, bio Mom on the other hand is...

Parenting Stepchildren: Sibling rivalry, sibling rivalry, egg shells
sibling rivalry, egg shells, bloody lip: Dear Joni, I want to apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I have had terrible computer problems and just got it fixed this morning. I am surprised that you have stayed in this situation this long and I imagine others think the same thing. I am...

Parenting Stepchildren: Significant other and his 13 year old daughter, recreational baseball, mini vacations
recreational baseball, mini vacations, something fun: Hi Leslie, Despite what you may think, your boyfriend s daughter doesn t have everything. In fact she s missing something huge, reality. When my 20 and 18 year old sons were being raised, I too struggled financially to make ends meet. I ll never forget the...

Parenting Stepchildren: Six year old "bonus" child, overnight visit, custody arrangements
overnight visit, custody arrangements, physical custody: Hi Jenise, Wow, you ve got a fun ex to deal with there, don t you? My guess is she s really angry right now due to the recent custody change. This is a very typcial response when custody arrangements are set once a divorce occurs or whenever custody changes....

Parenting Stepchildren: Son doesn't want to visit dad, girl scout camp, school homework
girl scout camp, school homework, duds: Dear Ceb, This is tough and complicated. I guess I would start off asking for a court ordered evaluation of the situation, espescially focusing on the mother s failure to adhere to the medication as prescribed. If you can prove the direct correlation between...

Parenting Stepchildren: Soon to be Step Mom, step mom, expecting a child
step mom, expecting a child, full custody: You are very brave. At least you know what you are getting into. I didn t. I would NOT do it over. Things have worked out ok, but there was lots of years I will never get back! I do not know of any books, but I am sure there are some. Just remember,...

Parenting Stepchildren: Soon to be StepMom to spoiled 14 year old, angry feelings, control freak
angry feelings, control freak, playing video games: You have several proven strikes against you: 1. The boy is over 4, I believe it is over 4 the experts / researchers say a new step-parent is much less likely to be accepted as a parental figure. 2. He is a teenager, which are hard to get along with...

Parenting Stepchildren: Soon to be step mother, letter in the mail, stupid bitch
letter in the mail, stupid bitch, relationship problems: Hi Theresa, I apologize for taking awhile in getting back w/you. I had an unusually busy weekend. My first thought in reading your question was OUCH!! Unfortunately, what you are dealing with is pretty typical when it comes to teenage stepkids. It...

Parenting Stepchildren: Spoiled Adult Stepson?, drunken stupor, stepson
drunken stupor, stepson, whore house: Hello Kerri, The issue seems to be respect, rules and boundaries for the stepsons and the lack thereof. I will suggest to you and your husband to get into marriage counseling fast. In order for things to change, your husband needs to set rules and boundaries...

Parenting Stepchildren: Spoiled Stepchild, child acts, look into the future
child acts, look into the future, stepchild: If you can t stand to be around the kid, then you shouldn t be in the relationship. The man has kids and you have to deal with that. Explain to your partner that you have problems with the way the child behaves and that you are personally having a tough...

Parenting Stepchildren: STEP CHILDREN, 9 times out of 10, hubby
9 times out of 10, hubby, amount of money: Stop inviting them! Seriously. Why are you putting yourself through this? They are grown! You are foolish to let them continue to treat you and your husband this way! Forget what is fair . You do not have to treat them the same. If you should treat...

Parenting Stepchildren: MY STEP SON HATES ME, smith mississippi, dear jennifer
smith mississippi, dear jennifer, jennifer smith: Dear Jennifer, First of all, he is not your step-son. That title only comes with marriage and since you are the shack up honey....no wonder he doesn t respect you! He is more perceptive about what is honorable than you are. How dare you try to come between...

Parenting Stepchildren: STEPSON, loyalty conflicts, simultaneous problems
loyalty conflicts, simultaneous problems, divorce issues: Hi Geni - your complex situation is very common. There are probably a group of simultaneous problems contributing, like these: 1) your stepson (SS) is probably overwhelmed by teen issues, post-divorce issues, losses, ignorances, and lack of informed help...

Parenting Stepchildren: Starting a family, depression anxiety, mixed feelings
depression anxiety, mixed feelings, old maid: Dear Adria, First of all...your feelings are very normal. But much of this anxiety, you must put to rest. Your letter says that he has told you that he wants to have kids with you. So...put your faith in that. He has NEVER had the experience of having children...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Child abusive, coke bottle, drugs and alcohol
coke bottle, drugs and alcohol, heart mind: Dear Tina, You are dealing with some very serious issues. I read your pain and frustrations. Please know that you CANNOT make anybody change unless they want to. You cannot force behavior that is not prompted by a change of heart/mind. You have said that...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Child and New Baby, maternal grandmother, room decoration
maternal grandmother, room decoration, baby brother: We had this same situation and what seemed to work for us was to include my stepson in every aspect of the room decoration, clothes, etc. At first, he seemed like he wasn t interested, but pretty soon, he d start saying things, Do you think the new baby...

Parenting Stepchildren: My Step Children, single life, different light
single life, different light, 33 years: It is up to you what you are willing to put up with of course, but I would urge you to talk to your fiance in a different light. His youngest from the previous relationship is 10 years old. 8 years from now he will be 18 and grown, so in 8 years he will...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Children, food packets, biscuits
food packets, biscuits, brat: I know how you feel, believe me I do. You probably won t like my suggestion, I say leave. Don t get in any deeper, you have already struggled for 3 years, do you want to spend 10 - 15 more like this? In my experience and from what I have seen, it does...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step child lying, sole care, shif
sole care, shif, stepdaughters: Dear Shelly, My heart goes out to Macy! The dynamic that goes on between parents who are divorced is so often tumultuous and filled with discord because of feelings that haven t been dealt with. Often times, one parent (in your case it sounds like it s Macy...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step children over 19, soap opera, step mom
soap opera, step mom, jerry springer: It certainly is enough to drive a person crazy. There really is only two choices in these situations. 1. Figure out a way to live in the situation 2. Leave As simple as the choices seem, they are hard to make. I believe his daughters are grown,...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step children, scenario work, family counseling
scenario work, family counseling, whole scenario: Hello Edward, It is a combined misunderstanding of what is expected of the blended family. I would recommend family counseling in order to help your wife and her children accept your presence in the family. It is odd to me that she is doing this, however,...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step children stealing, experience guilt, bad dad
experience guilt, bad dad, step daughters: Hi Lynn, One of the biggest challenges that blended families face is having one set of rules for all of the children. The thing is, divorced fathers who don t live with their children full time, experience guilt. There s no way around it and it goes across...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step children, major attitude, stepchild
major attitude, stepchild, custody visitation: Hello Priscilla, There seems to be a bit of jealousy of the 3 year old and anger towards her dad that I believe could be because she feels she is losing her position with her father. Often times the new family and the stepchild from the old family have...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Daughter cries for biomom/ Mom is controling, bad dad, full custody
bad dad, full custody, twin girls: Hello Tiff, This is happening because there are no rules or boundaries in place. You need to take this back to court and have custody and access defined. I would recommend that you do this first. Have access strictly outlined so that neither party can...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Daughter and Ex Wife, child girl, step daughter
child girl, step daughter, doing the right thing: Do I have advice? No. You are doing the right thing. Make sure you aren t being over protective of your son. Your son is a year and a half. Yet, you didn t mention that you said anything to him about taking things that aren t his. He is old enough to...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Daughter Issues, step mom, step daughter
step mom, step daughter, man in the middle: I can relate to this. My husband s daughter was 4 when we met, we have now been married almost 10 years, she is now 17! I still can not stand the child! There are a lot of issues here other than just not liking her, she has done some horrible things, lots...

Parenting Stepchildren: My Step-Daughter is so nosy, step daughter, stepdaughter
step daughter, stepdaughter, fiance: I know how you feel. I was the same way, still am really, I just don t like my stepdaughter, she is 17, she was 4 when I met her Dad, so I have lots of years behind me of dealing with a stepdaughter just like yours. (Worse really, but I won t go into that...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Daughter, step dad, step brother
step dad, step brother, stressful situation: Hi Holly - welcome to stepfamilies! You describe a common stressful situation. Your question sounds as though your real problem is with your stepdaughter s biomom (BM). Her actions suggest she and her partner are either unaware of your collective stepfamily...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Daughters, elbows off the table, great attitude
elbows off the table, great attitude, eldest girl: Hello Ignicio, If I could count the number of times I ve been exactly where you are... and look, I survived. Was it easy? Not a chance. Raising teen daughters is extremely difficult at time, especially when you re combating hormones, mood swings and rebellious...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-dad's lack of affection, high school sweetheart, lack of affection
high school sweetheart, lack of affection, step dad: Dear Tammy, I think that your husband is being very insensitive. Granted there are varying degrees of affection...but in blended families, everyone has to work extra hard to show appreciation and love. My guess is that he feels guilty about his daughters...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step daughter, being a stepmom, behavior info
being a stepmom, behavior info, initial concern: I think this is because of parental guilt in part. They feel bad that they are not with her all the time so they baby her. What you need to talk to your boyfriend about is that this is not helping the child. This is going to cause problems for her and...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Father, emotional scars, military parent
emotional scars, military parent, step dad: Aww, this is really a touching story. You all sound great! I think little things will help this family. I mean really little things. Get you a good movie that you all will enjoy, a bucket of popcorn and one blanket and bunk on the couch! Every...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-father to a baby??, rest of our life, being a father
rest of our life, being a father, paternity test: Anytime a person is to be a parent for the first, biological or not, the intensity of the responsibility is overwhelming. That being said, relax. If you love her, if you love the child, you will be fine. There are websites that offer advice, but my advice...

Parenting Stepchildren: What To Do With Step Kids?, step kids, sense of responsibility
step kids, sense of responsibility, clean house: This is a rough one and I hate to tell you my feeling, but here it is. IT worked for me, it may not for you. When I first met my husband and moved in with him, the boys did nothing to pick up after themselves. Never had to, threw a fit if I said to put...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-Mom, brain fry, step mom
brain fry, step mom, crys: Dear Maricela, First of all my heart goes out to these children. How sad that they cannot and will not ever be able to live with both parents. You see.....children need the stability of parents. They love their parents. The six year old crying is not so...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step mothering, wiggle worm, open dislike
wiggle worm, open dislike, step parenting: Hi Melani - yes, I have advice: 1) From your description, your stepson s (SS) mom is a badly wounded woman. That has *many* implications for you all as a stepfamily. See and discuss these with your husband: http://sfhelp.org/5-overvw.htm http://sfhelp.org/12-overvw.htm...

Parenting Stepchildren: Am I a "Step Parent" by default - where to seek help?, employment availability, part timers
employment availability, part timers, street person: Hello Dave, Are you a stepfather? You are your wife s husband. Should you learn how to be a parent? I give you credit for even thinking that you might have to... the answer would be a resounding NO. You need to be the husband to your wife. Your wife...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Parenting Issue, parenting issue, step parenting
parenting issue, step parenting, childr: Angie, Thank you for your question. I hope I can be helpful to you. It definitely sounds like you have your hands full this summer! I will give you some recommendations and also link you with some other resources. My first concern is the children...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-Parenting, step parenting, daddy jack
step parenting, daddy jack, step dad: Hi Christie - my experience is requiring children to call a stedad Dad risks some confusion and conflict in one or more kids, and with their biofather (and relatives?) Some stepfamilies evolve into using that title when all adults and kids accept and prefer...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step parenting, month old baby, step parenting
month old baby, step parenting, stepchild: Dear Selena: This is a tough one. Of course you will love your own child more than a stepchild, especially a difficult stepchild. Don t beat yourself up over it. YOur husband hasn t handled the conflict of loyalties or the nuturing of his son the right...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step parenting, step parenting, dear john
step parenting, dear john, daugther: Dear John, This 17 year old boy may be going to college soon, but that doesn t mean that you still will not have issues to deal with. Sounds like he is a problem and that his mother doesn t help matters. Does he see his father? I think that you had better...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step parenting, step parenting, marital counseling
step parenting, marital counseling, fifth wheel: Accepting this step-son means accepting the father of him. As hard as it is, learning to love a child that is not your own and does not reciprocate love, is a must for this marriage to work. Sounds to me like you have issues with your husband and those issues...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-parenting blended families, step parenting, great lengths
step parenting, great lengths, ploy: Dear Monica, Well Monica..I think that you are in the wrong. You are NOT this child s step-parent. You are not married to his dad and have not earned the title of a step-parent. Your shackin up together sends a message that says you are temporary. I cannot...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-parenting disagreements with spouse, alcohol and drugs, step parenting
alcohol and drugs, step parenting, myhusband: Dawn, Thank you so much for your question. I want to apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I am going through a job change and interviewing during the day. Your question is a very good one and I wanted to take the time needed to answer. First...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-parenting nightmare, parenting nightmare, full time job
parenting nightmare, full time job, step parenting: First of all, take a deep breath, count to ten, and relax. You really will be fine. Before they come, sit down and right out a list of concerns, as far as house rules. Discuss them with your husband, ask him if they are too unreasonable. Once you come...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step parenting, loyalty conflicts, step parenting
loyalty conflicts, step parenting, stepkids: Hi Allen - there can be one or more things contributing to your partner s pulling away: 1) she may feel guilty about loving your ours child more than her stepkids - and not know that s *normal* in a stepfamily; 2) she may be tormented that she ll never...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step Son, man wasnt, no brainer
man wasnt, no brainer, parents place: Hello Sara, This is a no brainer, Sara. My first question back to you, is what in the world is the father doing???? And why isn t he doing more? This is his kid who is showing signs of not really giving a care about his life and responsibilities. Now,...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-Son Dilemma, table toys, good relationship
table toys, good relationship, elastic band: Hello Jessica, I am getting tired of being treated this way in My home. His dad doesn t really say much. When I bring things to his attention he asks his son if it is true or what he heard he was doing and if his son denies it then that is that and nothing...

Parenting Stepchildren: My Step Son Hates Me, stepson, wal mart
stepson, wal mart, dads: Megan, Thank you for your question! It sounds like you have your hands full with this little boy! I am wondering if the 6 year old is responding to things that have been said or done outside of your home. This may or may not be the case. If his mother...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step son, word answers, good times
word answers, good times, few days: Hello Yvonne, Entering an already established family is difficult at best, but to enter one where the child of the family is actually a teen is extremely difficult and I give you credit. You ve entered his world where he is already dealing with peer pressures,...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step son, respect adults, positive reinforcement
respect adults, positive reinforcement, attitude change: Hello Jinnifer, Nice to see you again. Bipolar, hmmm... I believe you need to follow up with this more. ODD is a relatively new disorder discovered within the last 10 years. My one stepdaughter has ODD and it took us four years to discover the actual...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step son hates me, intense jealousy, same sex marriage
intense jealousy, same sex marriage, vehical: Hello Rose, I can feel your anxiety coming from this letter and wish I could offer you all the solutions to the so many problems you re facing. All I can offer is that I feel your best bet is to continue with counseling and growing stronger for yourself....

Parenting Stepchildren: Step-son, talking to adults, parenting work
talking to adults, parenting work, mom and dad: Lori, I can understand why you d be a little frustrated after 6 years!!! However, divorce impacts kids in different ways. I don t know from what you wrote if the separation of his parents went smoothly or nasty. And most importantly, I don t know how...

Parenting Stepchildren: Step sons, husban, professional therapy
husban, professional therapy, little brother: This is a tough one to answer as I m not sure I can. First off, you knew hubby had this situation before you married him, I m guessing. You can t change it. What you can do is make an effort to keep your littlest child from the older ones. Perhaps they...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepchild, loyalty conflicts, stepdaughter
loyalty conflicts, stepdaughter, situtation: Hi Ann - you describe one of the most common stepfamily stressors - a loyalty conflict. It sounds as though your husband implicitly puts his daughter ahead of your needs and your marriage, despite your protests. There are several possible causes: 1) your...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepchildren, biological father, stepchildren
biological father, stepchildren, emotional support: Hi Jane, While your boyfriend may not be the biological father of these children, it seems that he sees himself as their dad. You didn t mention if the bio father of these kids is around or if your boyfriend has bio children of his own. 8 years is a long...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepchildren, wicked stepmother, residential custody
wicked stepmother, residential custody, little monsters: Dear Elizabeth, I am so glad that you wrote to me. I truly understand how you are feeling. Please know that this is normal for those of us in these situations. So..sit back and take a deep breath and let s look at what all is going on. First of all..you...

Parenting Stepchildren: StepDaughter Issues, wits end, step daughter
wits end, step daughter, aggressiveness: Hi Phil, First off, I have to say if I ve understood you correctly, the little girl is only 3. She s pretty darn smart to have figured out how to deal with the dad issue in both homes on her own!! I don t think you re being dense about what your wife...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter, drug addict, private time
drug addict, private time, rock the boat: Michelle, Since this daughter lives with her grandmother, I am thinking that maybe it is good that she and her dad have one on one time. How often does this happen? I guess I wouldn t rock the boat. Since she is 7 and does have a grandmother who cares...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter, bad influence, change of heart
bad influence, change of heart, responsability: Hi Gia, A lot of people question their own feelings in situations like this and ask, am I wrong? The answer is your feelings are yours. You are entitled to them; therefore, there is no right or wrong. You are being honest. I give you a lot of credit for...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter, councellor, being a father
councellor, being a father, brownie points: Hello Paula, The problem here is the biodad. Until he wakes up and sees the damage he s causing, nothing will change. He needs to set boundaries and rules to match those of the biomom. I give her brownie points for instilling in the girl, a sense of...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter & 5 Children Move In, easy chairs, flower garden
easy chairs, flower garden, children move: WOW! What a burden! These trips are not something that HAS to happen. I would suggest a conversation much like this one. We enjoy seeing you and the children but as we get older 3 weeks is just too long. Let s make your visit 5-7 days this year....

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter Allegations, hard working man, phsycologist
hard working man, phsycologist, hate club: Hello Robert, My first question after reading this is, has the girl been tested for drug abuse? Has she been assessed? Does she see a counselor? I believe there is a need for you to retain a lawyer and request these things immediately. There are many...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter comes first, natural woman, custodial parent
natural woman, custodial parent, slow response: Please forgive my slow response. This is a hard one. There is no black and white answer here. I think your problem is a natural woman response. I don t think deep down you have a big problem with him doing for stepdaughter, I think you don t like the...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter conflicted returning from visit with bio-dad, experience guilt, stink eye
experience guilt, stink eye, adult problems: Michael, What you are experiencing is the horror of divorce. It is hard to watch these little hearts be torn and of no fault of theirs. When my youngest step-daughter was 2, the very same things happened when she would come back from a visit with her mother....

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter and Drugs, methadone clinic, basement apartment
methadone clinic, basement apartment, pound sand: Hello Jennifer, First you must remember, you can t control that which is not within your power to be controlled by you. Your family is involved in a no win situation with a drug addict. I feel extremely sad for the position your husband is in. He is both...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter with an Electra complex, electra complex, mini dresses
electra complex, mini dresses, nines: Hello Sally, I m not entirely sure what it is you re asking me, Sally. You have a stepdaughter who is 18 and wants to spend time with her father. There is nothing wrong with that. Are you questioning their relationship based on how she is dressing? You...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter harming herself, high school sweetheart, divorse
high school sweetheart, divorse, low self esteem: Dear Jack, I was following everything until I got to the part that said, I can t see Rich marrying anyone as long as Bridgett s in the picture. I thought that your daughter Lori is married to him. I would like to better understand exactly who is married...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter's Love Life Makes Everyone Miserable, computer hours, repeat performance
computer hours, repeat performance, stepdaughter: Confront it head on - but casually. Sit down, and say, I realize you are going to miss him, and if he s worth having as a boyfriend, no matter how long you are gone, he ll be waiting. However, we will not tolerate the same fiasco as last summer, so keep...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter and Stepmom, path of least resistance, dear dad
path of least resistance, dear dad, responsible parents: Dear Dad, I apologize for not writing sooner. I had my 17 year old stepdaughter s birthday party this weekend. First of all....it is NEVER too late to start doing what you need to do to get your daughter under control. It will be much harder than when...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter spending nights with boyfriend, birthcontrol, birthmother
birthcontrol, birthmother, exspecially: First, are you SURE she is having sex? The only reason I ask is because I too spent the nights with my boyfriend at a very young age, I did so for MUCH different reasons, I was in an abusive home, and it was a safe place for me. I was NOT having sex. So...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter's upcoming graduation, chain smokers, bold response
chain smokers, bold response, stepdaughter: Dear Paula, Nice to hear from you. Yes, my answer was bold because I have been in your shoes and I have dealt with rebellious teenagers and intrusive, borderline personality disorder bio moms! What I have found in the readings regarding step-families is...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter wants dad for herself, stern person, daily chores
stern person, daily chores, disciplinarians: Kids can be very cruel, and not just to eachother. I think if there isn t a good reason, you must get her anyway. Allowing her to pick and choose like that gives the child WAY to much control, and trust me, it is going to come back to haunt you. If she...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughter, share custody, step daughter
share custody, step daughter, problems at home: Dear Claire: You sound very loving and concerned. Your stepdaughter is lucky to have found you. It sounds like your stepdaughter is having major problems around the introduction of the new man and his children into her life with her mother. This is...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepdaughters, good relationship, stepmother
good relationship, stepmother, second wife: Hi Paula, I m not sure what your relationship with the girls is like, or for how long you ve been in their life. My guess is that they are doing it on purpose to see how you react. My recommendation would be to not get invovled in those disucssions...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepfather wants Father to be responsible!, territorial issues, stepdad
territorial issues, stepdad, biological father: Hello De, I can fully understand where the stepfather is coming from. He has raised this child and up to now has been the only father in the girl s life. It is only natural for him to feel suddenly shoved aside as if he is no longer important to you both....

Parenting Stepchildren: My Stepkids, grown ups, responsible adults
grown ups, responsible adults, tug of war: Hi Ms. Williams, Wow! Sounds like things are hard right now and have been for awhile. I guess the first that comes to mind is that you re probably right about your husband still feeling a lot of guilt. It sounds like he s not using good judgment because...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepkids, sitting in the back seat, stepkids
sitting in the back seat, stepkids, half the time: Hi Cindy - your story is a familiar one to me. It seems to me you have a remarital problem, not a stepkid problem - your husband doesn t sound very empathic with your hurt at being ignored and disrespected. It sounds like you need him to care about your feelings...

Parenting Stepchildren: StepMother Problems., marriage work, bad kid
marriage work, bad kid, doing the right thing: When you have that answer, let me know. Seriously, I understand what you are going through. The only advice I can offer is to keep being honest, keep doing the right thing, no matter what. The reason her children lie is because she allows it and she...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepmom, bad feelings, kick and scream
bad feelings, kick and scream, full custody: Dear Dana, I can tell you from first hand experience that 17 month old babies will cry and scream when they have to be put in situations like this one. They have to be pulled from one parent to the next and have no control over it. I use to watch my 17month...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepmother overstepping her boundries, camp registration, joint custody
camp registration, joint custody, stepmother: Hi Christine, I can completely understand how frustrating it is to deal with a stepmother who doesn t understand her role. You re right. Filling out camp forms indicates that she is involving herself in decisions that should be made the parents. Why is she...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepparenting a 2 year old, child specialists, biological mother
child specialists, biological mother, biological children: I am sorry if I read your question wrong. I also want to make sure you understand I am not a professional in the since of schooling. I have however been a stepmom for 12 years and seen a lot and read a lot etc. Let me tell you what I think about professionals...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepparenting issues, juvenile delinquents, personal vendetta
juvenile delinquents, personal vendetta, trials and tribulations: How do you get him to understand? He is understanding - he s living the trials and tribulations. However, what I do suggest, if you want his involvement, is let him be a part of it. I don t know specifics, so it s hard for me to make suggestions. However,...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepparenting troubled teen, anxiety medications, anxiety attacks
anxiety medications, anxiety attacks, exwife: Hello Kristin, Firstly, let me commend you for staying this long in a highly unpredictable and potentially volatile situation. The solution for this girl is that she needs to be committed. She needs more than what a counselor can offer. She needs to...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepson, mother lives, stepson
mother lives, stepson, bad person: Love him, give him time, be there for him. If you keep doing those things, he ll understand it s not your fault. Eventually, he will see his mother for who she is. You just have to bide your time until then, support him, love him as your own, and be very...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepson, grown adult, alcholic
grown adult, alcholic, partiality: Wow, this is sad, on the surface at least. Let me ask you a couple of questions: 1. Are your kids maybe in more trouble etc. than his? 2. Do your kids want their attention? If these are both ok, that your kids are not in trouble etc. and it is simply...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepson, spoiled brat, pain pills
spoiled brat, pain pills, stepson: WoW, your annoying stepson would be a perfect match for my annoying stepdaughter. Think we could marry them off? lol. Seriously though, when my stepdaughter is going to be around I pray for God s guindance, I also pray he keeps his hand over my mouth....

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepson forces choice, marriage counseling, counciling
marriage counseling, counciling, stepson: Hello Dia, I m sorry to hear about this difficult situation. My first comment has to do with the first line in your questions. You said my husband s 14 year old son forced me out of our home. My response is that you need to put the responsibility...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepson and husband, giving me a hard time, grown daughters
giving me a hard time, grown daughters, additude: Dear Karen, The problem that you are having is not necessarily with this child, but mainly with your husband. That large problem must be worked on before the other one. So...here is my advice.....GET MARRIAGE COUNSELING! Do you attend church anywhere? If...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepson Teen-Age Pregnancy, teen age pregnancy, anxiety stress
teen age pregnancy, anxiety stress, kid gloves: Hello Am, Well, there is one thing apparently that the lad is good at, and that is making babies. This child could be put up for adoption if there is a huge concern for its well-being. I am certain that there will be someone out there quite willing to give...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepson, social outings, practice game
social outings, practice game, stepson: Dear Candy, What a mess! There have been so many hurtful things said that I really don t know where to begin. First....you and your husband have got to get on the same page regarding this son. If you can t get on the same page, then let him handle his...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stepsons & daughter, family counceling, blended family
family counceling, blended family, themself: When I met my husband I didn t have any children of my own, his were 4 and 7. I got a long with the boy ok, but honestly, I could not stand the girl. Everything I said to her she would argue with, she would not listen to me for anything. She was just...

Parenting Stepchildren: Stressed & Unhappy Step-mother, step mother, little space
step mother, little space, teenage boy: You are NOT and awful person, so get that out of your head. You are a normal person with normal feelings and what feels like an intruder in your house! Only you can decide what you want and what you are willing to put up with. If you love your husband...

Parenting Stepchildren: Strong resentments toward step-son and husband, full custody, resentments
full custody, resentments, summer time: Hello Lori, First piece of advice: BREATHE! Now, my next piece of advice is to seek out counseling ASAP. There s an old expression, spoil the child, spare the rod. Now I m not saying you go out and get a rod and start smacking this child, as this is...

Parenting Stepchildren: Suing for custody of spouses child, outrageous fees, luch
outrageous fees, luch, local court: Are you and your husband together? Is this something you both want to do or you seperate from him? Where we were from you could file anything Pro Se . You paid a fee and got the papers and did it all your self. Call your local court house for more information....

Parenting Stepchildren: sad, realtionship, stepson
realtionship, stepson, doormat: I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I know what you are feeling. The bad/sad thing is often the Mom s words and actions stop being a mimic by the child and start becoming who the child is. Don t allow yourself to be a doormat. I would say...

Parenting Stepchildren: just seems out of reach..., value communication, abusive situation
value communication, abusive situation, time parent: Hello Renee, This is a concern for marriage counseling. My suggestion without hesitation is to get this counseling and fast. There is no reset button, but there is a possibility of mending the broken fence... get marriage counseling... and good luck! ...

Parenting Stepchildren: Am I being selfish??, front row seats, nut job
front row seats, nut job, full custody: You are being selfish, and you have a right to be, you are the only one that knows what YOU need. Let me tell you from experience, these kids are going to consume you, the ex is going to consume you! I went through the very thing you are, I was with hubby...

Parenting Stepchildren: shutt in, step dad, step parents
step dad, step parents, remarrying: Hello again, ODD is not a learned behavior, but it can be an inherent disorder passed from one to the next. Rules and boundaries are important to this child and must be enforced. If she sits there and says nothing at counseling, then I would let her sit...

Parenting Stepchildren: sick to my stomach with stepdaughter and ex, sick to my stomach, dna test
sick to my stomach, dna test, lil girl: Hello Lucy, In all this mess, I can t help but wonder what must be going through the child s mind. To think one is her father only to hear the adults fighting over the fact that he isn t after all. She must be very confused. The child has been in your...

Parenting Stepchildren: situation, legal paperwork, marriage counseling
legal paperwork, marriage counseling, woman problems: Dear Asks, Everything seems to cause this woman problems with her FMS, even her boyfriend! It is a controlling factor in the lives of everyone around her. It s how she is controlling everyone. My advice is to live your life and not hers. Your guilt is...

Parenting Stepchildren: situation, legal paperwork, psychological wounds
legal paperwork, psychological wounds, marriage counseling: Hello - I m not medically trained, and have no knowledge of FMS. However, there are many signs in the story you describe of a possible deeper problem: your partner s ex - and perhaps he and you - have significant psychological wounds that are causing and amplifying...

Parenting Stepchildren: sleep problems w/ 5 year old, sleep problems, books on tape
sleep problems, books on tape, seperation: Sarah, Please accept my apologies for not getting back to you sooner. I ve had terrible computer problems and just got it fixed this morning. It is common for children to sleep with a parent(s)after a divorce. All three of my step-children slept with their...

Parenting Stepchildren: My son and my boyfriend, hanging out with mom, mom and dad
hanging out with mom, mom and dad, wonderful guy: Hello Rita, Time... you need to give this a lot of time. Patience... will be needed from both you and Ed. Understanding... your son has had you all to himself for a long time and now sees Ed as a threat. He lost his mom and dad relationship, his father...

Parenting Stepchildren: soon to ba a step mom, rotten attitude, attitude change
rotten attitude, attitude change, step mom: Hi Tina, I m guessing your hunch is right. It sounds like her mom is having more trouble with you marrying than the little girl is. It s not uncommon for ex-spouses to react negatively upon hearing about a remarriage. What you re doing is correct....

Parenting Stepchildren: soon to be step daughter, split families, hyper child
split families, hyper child, acting this way: Dear Quiana, Yes....I would say that this is normal. These girls are showing some jealousy over each other and you and your fiance. They are getting ready to have to share their parents and they don t like it. It is typical with kids of divorce or split...

Parenting Stepchildren: soon to be stepson, tip toes, hyper child
tip toes, hyper child, attention focus: Dear Sara, You do have a difficult situation. I have several things to advise. First, the father should do all the parenting. He has left you in charge when he should be in charge. Doesn t his son go to school on Monday and Tuesday? If not, he should. ...

Parenting Stepchildren: spoiled, lazy, manipulative 17 yr old stepson, family counselor, family counseling
family counselor, family counseling, stepson: Hi Doris, It sounds pretty stressful at your house. I m sure that s an understatement. First off, I m glad your husband is open to change. The hard part, is whether your stepson is or not. I d encourage you to NOT be the one pushing him to change....

Parenting Stepchildren: Will spouse's kids become my stepchildren automatically after remarry, stepparent, stepchildren
stepparent, stepchildren, neice: Hi Claire, The term stepchildren is not a legal one. Stepchildren are your spouse s children and it is automatic upon marriage. Same as a neice is your neice the moment your sister or brother gives birth to a daughter. There are no legal rights associated...

Parenting Stepchildren: starting joint custody after 4 year separation, adoption papers, school counselor
adoption papers, school counselor, child answer: Lesia, You know...after reading more about your situation, I see a man who sub-consciously wants to get back at the kids mom and do it through the child. The family therapist may take a different turn on it since you will be in person with him/her. Make...

Parenting Stepchildren: Do I stay or leave?, 14 year old girls, mys
14 year old girls, mys, tomach: Dear Theresa, First of all let me say that I am so sorry for the pain that you are experiencing. This sounds like a very stressful situation. Theresa.....the problem that you have has been created by your husband, not by the 14 year old . You did not say...

Parenting Stepchildren: step-child, household chores, plain crap
household chores, plain crap, poor hygiene: Hello Robyn, Often times, shortly after a birth, a woman suffers from anxiety and post partum depression. You seem to show signs of this. It is not impossible to deal with and can easily go away with treatment. I recommend you first find out if this is...

Parenting Stepchildren: step-child discipline, conflict avoidance, child discipline
conflict avoidance, child discipline, personal relationships: Hi Catherine - I apologize for the delay in responding: my DSL connection dropped, deleting my reply before I could send it two days ago. Several reactions to what you write: 1) I wonder if you partners have studied stepfamily realities at all? What you...

Parenting Stepchildren: step child from his second marriage, crossing boundaries, unresolved feelings
crossing boundaries, unresolved feelings, second marriage: Hello Cheryl, I have read this letter a few times before writing my response. I believe you have several unresolved issues regarding your own childhood that may be clouding your vision pertaining to the situation at hand. I say this not to be cruel,...

Parenting Stepchildren: when a step child tells her dad she wont stay with him, parenting issue, relationship issue
parenting issue, relationship issue, step parenting: This is more of a relationship issue with your partner than a step parenting issue. I would have suggested you tell your step daughter exactly what you did. She got her way and her father let her. For some reason, he doesn t hold you in a high enough esteem,...

Parenting Stepchildren: step child vacation, bad dad, small fortune
bad dad, small fortune, expensive place: One year my husband promised me we would go to World s Of Fun, just us. As I remember his kids got wind of it and wanted to go. Well, that is an expensive place and I had been looking forward for sometime of it being just hubby and I, but he thought he...

Parenting Stepchildren: step child, adult conversations, skimming the surface
adult conversations, skimming the surface, trouble maker: Hi Angela - I m sad for the pain you all are in. Your story is familiar to me. You probably have a cluster of these problems: 1) your partner and his ex are significantly wounded, psychologically, which you cannot affect; 2) your partner is putting his...

Parenting Stepchildren: step- children, school clothes, youngest boy
school clothes, youngest boy, being a girl: Wow, you have your plate over full, and I must say you are the largest family to ever write to me. My situation was much much smaller, I didn t have any kids when I met hubby, he just had two, (although they were bad enough to have been 10!) we have one...

Parenting Stepchildren: step children, chicken nuggets, tators
chicken nuggets, tators, arguements: Don t let it! Seriously, I know it will be hard, but don t let it! If you usually make pork chops and tators and they don t want to eat it, fine! Simply say, This is what we eat If your kids complain about the other kids eating something different...

Parenting Stepchildren: step-children, whole nother story, little brother
whole nother story, little brother, girl friends: Leave it alone. All the energy you spending worrying about these other children that are not in the picture for whatever reason is time you are not spending and being happy with your own children. Don t let this consume you or your husband, don t guilt...

Parenting Stepchildren: step children, stepfamily, happy holidays
stepfamily, happy holidays, change of heart: Happy Holidays Sandi! You re in a difficult situation here. While you love your fiance he is a package deal. He has a past and it includes a 4 year old difficult son. There s just no way of getting around that. Hoping that the child will eventually...

Parenting Stepchildren: About step children, time mommy, biological mom
time mommy, biological mom, full custody: Hi Kim, I guess my first question for you to think about is what s keeping you from having that bond with her? Like you said, you ve been her full time mommy since she was 11 months old and she is 9 now? I don t think your husband s family has a...

Parenting Stepchildren: step children, side mirror, wrong choices
side mirror, wrong choices, parenting skills: Hi Cathy, Wanting to help out your children and being there for them when they need you is part of being a mom. You love your children and I understand your wanting to be there for them. Going to your child s aid when he s had an accident seems perfectly...

Parenting Stepchildren: step children, month old baby, mum and dad
month old baby, mum and dad, reward systems: Hello Kristal, The solution is simple. Your fiance needs to step up his disciplining of his kids. He needs to support you more and he needs to deal with the lad, not you. I wish parents would learn that buying their children s affections only ends with...

Parenting Stepchildren: step children and interfering mothers, school shoes, soccer practice
school shoes, soccer practice, favours: Jacky, You are dealing with a situation where your husband does not want to rock the boat and therefore gives in to her demands. There is really not much you can do, but voice your opinion. The bottom line is that HE needs to deal with bio mom and quit giving...

Parenting Stepchildren: step children/teenagers, wits end, rudeness
wits end, rudeness, fiancee: Dear Lisa, DO NOT IGNORE THIS BEHAVIOR! I have to tell you that your fiancee is really neglecting his role in this situation. His ex- wife and daughters are controlling your relationship and believe me if they are like this now, it will not get any better,...

Parenting Stepchildren: step children, natural affection, serious relationship
natural affection, serious relationship, right foot: Dear Otillia: It sounds as though you and your boyfriend have done this the right way by becoming friends first and waiting to meet his children until you are certain you want to build a life together. I m sure you will continue to handle things with the...

Parenting Stepchildren: Being a step dad and dealing with partners Ex, rational request, step dad
rational request, step dad, brick wall: Hello Steve, We have never wanted to stop contact between them as i believe this to only bad for the boy as he see s nothing wrong with his father. This statement bothers me the most. The father s behavior is very wrong and your saying the boy doesn...

Parenting Stepchildren: step daugher, one bedroom apartment, bath music
one bedroom apartment, bath music, impossible situation: Hello Elizabeth, Hmm, a one bedroom apartment for two adults and a teen. I see this as an impossible situation that is destined to fail under the current circumstances. Every teen needs his/her own space too. You may have to consider moving into a...

Parenting Stepchildren: step daughter, true girl, wits end
true girl, wits end, baby safety: Wow, this sounds familar. My stepdaughter is not mean in that way, but to everyone else she seems sweet and innocent, she is ANYTHING but! It took my husband about 10 years to see the true girl. 10 years and A LOT of fighting. I don t think this is...

Parenting Stepchildren: step daughter, wet towel, step daughter
wet towel, step daughter, good luck: Hello Tammy, There is no problem. You are the adult in the home, your home, and she is the guest... While in your home, there are rules. She is being petty and pushing your buttons. Have your husband inform her that she is to do what you tell her in...

Parenting Stepchildren: step daughter age 11 sexual behavior, evil bitch, daughter age
evil bitch, daughter age, mini vacation: I am not too far from Oklahoma! A gal from our Church actually comes from Oklahoma,just wanted to let you know we are not worlds away. I know how you feel, I have been there. I started to think my life was only good for dealing with my husband s past...

Parenting Stepchildren: step daughter hates me, step families, nasty remarks
step families, nasty remarks, step daughter: Hi Karen, You really need your husband to step in here. Since you are recently married, you have little to no control in this girl s life. You re just the woman my dad married. Your husband needs to put his foot down and discuss that he doesn t...

Parenting Stepchildren: step-daughter hates me, daddy daddy, step daughter
daddy daddy, step daughter, daddy daughter: Hi Becky, Wow, this has got to be frustrating!! The first thing I would say is that you guys are doing a lot of the right stuff. It sounds like your fiance is trying to give her a lot of attention to help with some of these fears that she has. She...

Parenting Stepchildren: step daughter wants mum to leave, step daughter, seperating
step daughter, seperating, stepchildren: Hello Phil, I can t tell you how many times I ve seen this happen, where interfering stepchildren control their parents lives with threats of moving in with the other bioparent. It is a shame to see such a controlling child pit one parent against the other....

Parenting Stepchildren: step-daughter, daughter lives, expecting a child
daughter lives, expecting a child, step daughter: I m not sure the age of your stepdaughter, but I would recommend that you use the terms we and your alot. When referring to the child in the belly, don t say my baby , but say Your baby or your sister or Your brother . This helps her understand...

Parenting Stepchildren: step family, girls will be girls, girls and boys
girls will be girls, girls and boys, boys will be boys: I think that you should explain to your boyfriend that girls will be girls and boys will be boys, and if you try to mix them then you are going to have problems. :) Tell him you understand him wanting the boy to be included and sometimes he will but the...

Parenting Stepchildren: step kids and the other grandparents, step kids, famliy
step kids, famliy, stepfamily: Hi Tina - I m guessing the main problem here is whether your partner will put you and your relationship ahead of his parent s needs - i.e. whether he ll stand up for you to them. A secondary problem is whether the older people realize you all are a stepfamily,...

Parenting Stepchildren: How to get my step kids to respect me?, biological mom, yrs boy
biological mom, yrs boy, step kids: Hello Chelsia, First can I just say, your desire to fix all of this and take care of these children is commendable. They are very fortunate to have so much love surrounding them. It s a difficult position you are in. But I m concerned that this has gone...

Parenting Stepchildren: step kids, step kids, step daughter
step kids, step daughter, step mother: Simply put, she s made the choice to stay away. You ve allowed her to come back, you ve even taken a vacation. If she chooses not to, that s her choice, not your fault. No one should be treated better than anyone else and if that s what she expects, she...

Parenting Stepchildren: step-mom versus 8yr.old step-daughter, step moms, step mom
step moms, step mom, real feelings: Dear Jennifer, Yes, there are other step-moms who have had these similar feelings. It is normal and it is okay. However...you must realize that you have to work through this and get back on the track of being the step-mom. First of all it is important to...

Parenting Stepchildren: step mother vs mother, credit card purchases, step mother
credit card purchases, step mother, binges: Have you tried talking to the father? Since he is the mutual connection between you and the stepmother, he might be able to help. Also, talk to your children about the limits of this friendship . Does the stepmother want anything in return? This kind of ...

Parenting Stepchildren: step parent confusion, mom dad, emtions
mom dad, emtions, rollercoster: Dear S, Teenagers......wow can they sure stir up a stink. Let me tell you what I read from your story......and that is that this 15 year old runs two households! Are there any court orders about where she is to live? It is a mistake to allow her to come...

Parenting Stepchildren: step parent's love for step children, step parenting, step mom
step parenting, step mom, real kids: Dear Barb, Your husband is speaking as a biological father and not a step-father. Therefore he could not possibly know what it is like to be in that role. Step-parenting is very difficult and those of us who do it should be praised! Wouldn t you agree?(smile)....

Parenting Stepchildren: step parenting, step parenting, rrom
step parenting, rrom, emotional wreck: Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this question. For some reason, it was not sent to my email or I overlooked it. I hope this is not too late. Before this relationship continues, sit with hubby and make some house rules. Kids will say the...

Parenting Stepchildren: step parenting and dealing with the new deal, curse word, step parenting
curse word, step parenting, full custody: Hi Krista - I think youre right: it sounds like you re on shaky relationship ground. First, it sounds as though you are rescuing your partner and his kids - not a good basis for a primary relationship. Second, it sounds like your partner s ex is a very wounded...

Parenting Stepchildren: step parenting, utter insanity, stepfamily issues
utter insanity, stepfamily issues, step parenting: Based on what you ve written in this e-mail, I m curious about what kind of discipline she wants from you? He needs to taste freedom in limited doses, especially if he has been so sheltered, but he definitley needs to grow up. She needs to let go a little...

Parenting Stepchildren: step parents rights, individual education plan, troubled stepdaughter
individual education plan, troubled stepdaughter, state dept of education: Hi Lisa - tough situation! I respect your concern for your troubled stepdaughter (SD). From what you write, I suspect: 1) you re limited because the girl is probably wounded from lack of effective nurturance in her early years because her parent/s were...

Parenting Stepchildren: step parents, peter gerlach, step parents
peter gerlach, step parents, dear peter: Hi Nathan - I admire you for writing so well about a complicated family situation. Tho the details are unique, your story is very familiar to me. I suspect there are several main problems that underlie the fight/s you write about. 1) Maggie may be an alcoholic....

Parenting Stepchildren: step-sibling bullying, wisdom kind, buck teeth
wisdom kind, buck teeth, closing question: Hi Robin - I wonder if your not finding relevant info on my site indicates that you re not yet clear on what you seek. That seems true in what you write, for your closing question is very general. I m also not clear on (1) the frequency or seriousness of the...

Parenting Stepchildren: step-siblings, family game night, step siblings
family game night, step siblings, boys ages: I m afraid I m not able to offer much guidance in this area. It seems that your boyfriend is doing what he can by trying to have inclusive activies and reminding the boys to say hello. You feel your boyfriend is not doing enough, but what can he do? It...

Parenting Stepchildren: step-siblings, step siblings, christian counseling
step siblings, christian counseling, hey julie: Dear Brandon, You are right....this is a tough one. I apologize for not writing back sooner. I have had to think about this one. You really have 2 issues...your wife and these kids. I am appalled that your wife knew and did not tell you or that she even...

Parenting Stepchildren: step-son, step mom, intelligent boy
step mom, intelligent boy, dear barbara: Dear Barbara, First of all...he is not your step-son. You are not married to his dad. You have not earned the right to be called his step-mom. I can t tell you how many times that I get letters like yours from people who are just living with someone and...

Parenting Stepchildren: my step son hates me, tourette s syndrome, rough history
tourette s syndrome, rough history, time factor: Hi Jenn, Well first and foremost you need your husband s assistance. He needs to let your step-son know that you will be moving back in (if that s the plan). He needs to let him know that he expects the boy to treat you with respect. And he needs to...

Parenting Stepchildren: step son and new baby coming, congratulations on your new baby, anxieties
congratulations on your new baby, anxieties, 5 months: Hello Hunter, Firstly, congratulations on your new baby! You ask How can he do this to us? I m not exactly sure he s really done anything wrong to you and the new baby. He is currently speaking about getting custody of his 4 year old, yet, he has not...

Parenting Stepchildren: My step son is on his last string, emotional reactivity, coordination problems
emotional reactivity, coordination problems, reading spelling: Hello Chris, First off, allow me to say well done for taking on a stepparenting role for a child with ADD. I would like to provide you with the following information first. I am sure you are aware of most of it, just by living it. ADD/ADHD is a developmental...

Parenting Stepchildren: step son, trash bags, nice boy
trash bags, nice boy, child support: Dear Kelly, I apologize for taking so long to answer you. I could see myself in your letter. The situations are different, but the longing to make things better were the same. The first thing that you have to understand is that you cannot control anyone...

Parenting Stepchildren: When do I step in?, dinamics, kathyrn
dinamics, kathyrn, blended family: Tina, The first thing that you need to do is to get your husbands head out of the ground and out of the beer can and become a responsible DAD! His behavior is unacceptable and provokes the behavior that he sees from his daughter. Why would he care that...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepchild issues, loyalty conflicts, ineffective communication
loyalty conflicts, ineffective communication, stepchild: Hi Kate - I suspect at least part of the problem is that you (subconsciously?) resent some standard stepfamily stressors you didn t expect when you committed to your partner. I m pretty sure that you all are struggling with (1) one or more loyalty conflicts,...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepchild and his mother, ashes in the ashtray, cell phone charger
ashes in the ashtray, cell phone charger, cigarette lighter: Dear Bob, The problem, as you may have already figured out, is with your wife. She should have supported you and demanded more of an explanation of what happened. Bottom line...if he didn t do it, then he did not act responsibly in making sure that the car...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepchild support, child support payments, economic climate
child support payments, economic climate, t pay: Dear Michelle, Check with this source:http://www.dadsdivorce.com. You really need an attorney in NYC to help you with this one. In Illinois, a woman can t look to her ex-husband s wife s income for increases in child support. If he is out of work, I...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepchildren, stepchildren, stepdaughter
stepchildren, stepdaughter, thief: Ola, Thank you for asking me this question! I would love to answer this question. I feel that I need to have more information to do this to the best of my abilities. Can you right me back and give me more information? If you feel weary of this you can...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepchildren, step grandchildren, stepchildren
step grandchildren, stepchildren, first few years: Hi Debbie, Ok, my first thought was How petty can you get? . The more I think about it the stronger I feel about that. This girl is 29! While I think it s petty, I think it shows more of an underlying problem. She obviously feels that the 15 year...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepchildren, added insult, insult to injury
added insult, insult to injury, flesh and blood: Hello Aisling, My statement is this: Your stepdaughter should be incredibly ashamed of herself. Her behavior is beyond catty and cruel and quite frankly, I think you and your husband should focus on your lives and forget her. I feel for your husband...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepchildren status when remarried, substitute parent, step parents
substitute parent, step parents, marital relationship: Hello Debbie, Of course. How does one turn on and off being a parent, even if a parent is a step-parent? How does one turn off the emotional attachment to a child they ve raised, even though they raised that child as a step-parent for either a brief or...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepchildren to-be, time conflict, intelligent children
time conflict, intelligent children, horse book: Dear Shannon: You answered the question beautifully! Specifically, when she tells you things like My Mom has this horse book.. she is asking several things. What you need to do to get her to talk about them directly is ask her questions back, for instance,...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter, mundane chores, new kid
mundane chores, new kid, rages: Let it go! You did what you can do. She is 18 now, obviously a vicious brat! Don t blame yourself, don t give her a second thought. When it comes down to it, she CAN T make you miserable. You can let her, but she can t make it happen alone! Remember...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter, serious relationship, annoying things
serious relationship, annoying things, short comings: Hi Jim, I m sorry to hear about the situation you are in. Your biggest problem right now is not so much your step-daughter, but your wife. For whatever reason it doesn t sound like she was willing to be a team in raising her daughter. Your status never...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter, supportive partner, hormones
supportive partner, hormones, wink: Hello Lynda, So... after 12 years of being in a beautiful relationship with a lovely man... you are going to let a moody, disrespectful child push you out? Hmmm, how great could a relationship be if the adults involved allow a rude teenager to control...

Parenting Stepchildren: My stepdaughter and my baby, loyalty conflicts, relevant articles
loyalty conflicts, relevant articles, stepdaughter: Hi Sue - your story is a familiar one. You seem to be tangled in three kinds of normal, stressful stepfamily stressors: values conflicts, loyalty conflicts, and relationship triangles. All can be resolved if you and your husband (1) acknowledge you are a...

Parenting Stepchildren: My stepdaughter is borrowing my clother w/o asking, clother, bed frame
clother, bed frame, stepdaughter: Dear Lorri, This is a tough one. How old is this girl? Sounds like a teenager to me! Obviously, the grounding wasn t strong enough for her to be leary of trying this act again. Now...I hope that you have left the clothes where they are. And the reason...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter conflict, full custody, single mom
full custody, single mom, stepdad: The custody thing does complicate things a bit however, she could make up things anyway so don t let that scare you into much. You must NOT let this child rule the roost! I have seen this work with my own eyes, that is how I got my husband to wake up to...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter cries for mom, exact revenge, mom and dad
exact revenge, mom and dad, parenting skills: Hello again, You need to get counseling Carly so that you can have coping methods in place to deal with this child. Your husband needs to set stronger rules and boundaries. Perhaps, there should be a limiting of access. I think you should find another counselor...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter inappropriate, physical custody, nice man
physical custody, nice man, 11 years: Hello Tanya, Throw them away each time you find them. Have your husband write the biomom and tell her of his intentions. Perhaps she may care more about the wasted money instead of the well being of her daughter. There are other ways to look older. Take...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter no longer wants to visit, typical result, quality time
typical result, quality time, family time: Hello Denise, This is a typical result of what happens when Daddy tries to buy his child s affection. Instead of being her buddy, he should have focused on teaching his daughter boundaries regarding money. Now he is facing the piper and this is so very...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter moving back in, grade 8 education, manipulative behaviour
grade 8 education, manipulative behaviour, biological daughter: Hi Shannon - In 27 years study, I have never encountered a simple stepfamily problem... My take after carefully reading your story is that you have a re/marital problem, not a stepdaugter/ex-wife problem. From your description, I m pretty sure your husband...

Parenting Stepchildren: my stepdaughter is a teenager now, step daughter, stepdaughter
step daughter, stepdaughter, hi thanks: Dear Sue, Sounds like to me that the step-daughter is running the household. And her father is letting it happen. Don t you both realize that she knows that she is causing turmoil in this home?! The dad should be doing everything possible to make sure...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter wants to live with us..., bad attitudes, stepparent
bad attitudes, stepparent, blended family: Hello Elizabeth, I think you need to sit down with your partner and read him this letter. There is a lot to being a stepparent and compromise is a big one. In order for a blended family to work, you need to be willing to try everything to make it so. I...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughter, high scholl, eduacation
high scholl, eduacation, chosing: Unfortuneately, I can t answer this question. I m not sure why your husband thinks the way that he does. Basically, he s a parent and parents feel responsible for providing for their children and making sure they have certain skills to handle responsibility....

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughters hate me, having a good time, hired help
having a good time, hired help, bad person: Dear, The problem that you are having is not necessarily with the children, but with the father of these girls. It is time for him to grow and be a husband and put his marriage first. Now I am going to tell you that he won t get the message until you let...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepdaughters, graveyard shift, trueth
graveyard shift, trueth, encouraging words: I m not sure that I have encouraging words to say. If husband is unwilling to require that his daughter make some of the necessary changes, then it is up to you to make the changes necessary. Drugs in your home? This time, it s pot. What might it be next...

Parenting Stepchildren: my stepfather bullys me, anger issues, transition stage
anger issues, transition stage, violent outbursts: Hello Carla, I m very pleased to see you writing me. It takes great courage as a step-child to discuss an issue about a step-parent with a stranger. It is sad when I see a story like this. Being both a bioparent and a step-parent, I feel disappointment...

Parenting Stepchildren: When should the stepfather be involved in discipline?, similiar circumstances, son a 5
similiar circumstances, son a 5, discipling: Yes, it should happen if the son is still living in your home, but not overnight. There are house rules that you and hubby decide on. Your hubby has the right in his home to have those rules followed. Whether you carrry out the consequences of certain...

Parenting Stepchildren: Being a stepfather, miscarriges, old perv
miscarriges, old perv, childeren: Hi Robert, First off, you sound REALLY mad. I d caution you to come up with some healthy ways of dealing with that anger because it s getting in your way right now. It s not letting you see options for dealing with what s going on. I completely understand...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepkids, loyalty conflicts, differant ideas
loyalty conflicts, differant ideas, self doubt: Hi Ian - no easy solution to this common stepfamily stressor. I suspect there are at least four or five basic problems happening at once: (1) a web of values and loyalty conflicts and relationship triangles between you co-parents and kids; (2) perhaps some...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepmom stepson father going crazy, private talks, deferent
private talks, deferent, brother and sister: Hello Robert and Robert s wife, Both of you need to calm down. I can see both of your perspectives here and will address each of you in turn. Robert: He is your son and being protective of his things at his age is typical and okay... He is entering...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepparent, stepfamily, stepparent
stepfamily, stepparent, nurturance: Hi Kathi - no, you are not his new daughter s stepmother, since you do not provide part-time nurturance for her. You are the biomom of her half-sister, your daughter. Your ex s new wife is your daughter s stepmother. Paradoxically, you all are a stepfamily,...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepparenting, jayden, violent person
jayden, violent person, overnights: Okay Michelle, When you got in this relationship, you took on baggage. This little boy is the product of adults who cannot get their act together. It is not his fault that he smirks at you. He probably wonders when you will get up and leave too. You won...

Parenting Stepchildren: What to do about my stepson., disrespectful manner, drink alcohol
disrespectful manner, drink alcohol, serious conversation: Dear Lawanda, You are in a tough position. But I have to tell you that your problem isn t as much with the child as it is with your husband. Why is your husband allowing this child to talk to you in such a disrespectful manner? Does he do this at school...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson 12 1/2, attitute, stepson
attitute, stepson, answering your questions: Dear Sandra, I surely do apologize for not answering your questions sooner. Here is the bottom line................You and your husband have to be on the same page when it comes to discipline. There is no reason that your husband should be caught in the...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson, ingagement ring, chank
ingagement ring, chank, joint decision: I m not a professional, so if you are looking for a professional to advise you, you ll have to go elsewhere. However, that aside, here s some advice. You know that you are marrying a woman that intends on sending her son to a highschool that costs 10K...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson who is 21, table conversation, family dinners
table conversation, family dinners, raising kids: Hi Debbie - your story is sad and familiar to me. From what you write, it appears you have several related remarital problems, not a stepson problem: (1) values conflicts, (2) relationship triangles, (3) ineffective communication, (4) ineffective boundary-setting...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson, weeked, stepson
weeked, stepson, stepsister: Hello again, I believe there is a need to control every aspect of what is happening here, but sadly you cannot control what is not within your power to control. Without the intervention of legal and professional help you may not be able to get his ex to...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson, exwife, full custody
exwife, full custody, stepson: Hello Rhonda, Are you mentioned in the court order as the person to pick up this lad? Is this your child? Is this your ex? No? Your husband is responsible legally for his child, unless outlined differently and involving you (which I doubt) in the court...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson attitude change towards stepmom, stepfamily situation, attitude changes
stepfamily situation, attitude changes, attitude change: Hi Barry - sounds like a frustrating, normal stepfamily situation. There are many possible reasons for your older son s attitude and anger at your wife - I know too little about your situation to do other than generalize. 1) he may be acting as his Mom...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson/ex-wife, tug of war game, blood son
tug of war game, blood son, shopping spree: Dear Cheryl: I ve had to think about your situation for a while before answering, and, I must say, I am puzzled about it all. One thing I do know is that you were right to stop dealing directly with the ex-wife. You should never have been put in the...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson lynig, drink soda, dads side
drink soda, dads side, genuine effort: Hello Carrie, Have you ever considered investing in a good nanny camera? The boy has some serious issues that need to be dealt with right away, and I recommend a good counselor to help. Obviously, he is playing all the parents against each other. It...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson rejection, stepson, fiancee
stepson, fiancee, fiance: Melissa, This situation sounds so odd to me. Does your son see his bio dad? If so..could he be telling him things about your fiance? Now are you sure that your fiance has not done something to this child to provoke this kind of behavior? I don t mean to...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson has a sneaky violent side, arm pits, sweat suit
arm pits, sweat suit, croch: This kid needs professional help. This is not something you will be able to solve yourself. My stepdaughter was peeing in our basement when she would get mad at us. Just urinating wherever! How gross is that? The first time we found it, it was in a trashcan,...

Parenting Stepchildren: stepson, successful stepfamilies, slamming doors
successful stepfamilies, slamming doors, disapline: Hi Keith - as an ex-stepfather, I empathize with your question. You describe a common, serious re/marital problem: a loyalty conflict. In successful stepfamilies, each bioparent must *want* to put their mate and marriage ahead of their child/ren often enough,...

Parenting Stepchildren: stubborn wife, family meeting, daugher
family meeting, daugher, teenage girls: You left out some information. Does your wife have kids? Do you have kids together? I would urge you to again talk to your wife. (maybe show her this email) Tell her that a few things need to be recognized and done. They are as follows in no particular...

Parenting Stepchildren: no subject, brick wall, bad grades
brick wall, bad grades, stepson: There is no question here, but I do feel for you. I m in the same situation. We have the two extremes. Kids are with us every other week. We stress the same things you do. However, kids will follow the path of least resistence - and that appears to...

Parenting Stepchildren: support, peter gerlach, using a lawyer
peter gerlach, using a lawyer, support obligation: Hi Alex - I m sorry, I do not know a way to change your legal support obligation without using a lawyer - other than direct communication with your ex to explain your situation (!) You might check with your local (state) bar association for direction (family...

Parenting Stepchildren: supporting 30 year old daughter (my stepdaughter), boyfriends mom, sole supporter
boyfriends mom, sole supporter, dope dealer: Hello Susan, I am a firm believer on tough love. If she is involved with drugs, then any money you ve been sending her has been in support of her habit. In effect, you have been buying her dope for her. As long as she has you both to support her habit...

Parenting Stepchildren: I CAN'T STAND MY STEPSON, respect women, breaking things
respect women, breaking things, final straw: Hello Michelle, Sadly, there isn t much more I can offer here. Sometimes, in the search of love, we find ourselves settling for the wrong type. Remember your child here. If he s made empty promises before, how is this going to be any different. Perhaps,...

Parenting Stepchildren: Teenage crisis in stepchildren, teenage drug abuse, permissive society
teenage drug abuse, permissive society, revealing clothing: Thank you Mohamed, I do wish you well with whatever decision you face. Indeed, you have much on your plate to work through. Do not do all this alone; seek a counselor to help you work your way through whatever decisions you face. Good luck. J.L...

Parenting Stepchildren: Teenage Step son living with us, town alot, distractions
town alot, distractions, good luck: Simple, counseling and fast. Secondly, you need to talk to your husband and get him to understand how difficult this is for you. I am not sure where you are, but you do have rights to remove him from your home if the stress and violence becomes too much, you...

Parenting Stepchildren: Teenager Concerned About Step-Mom, parenting question, step mom
parenting question, step mom, daughter age: Hello Teenage Girl, First let me commend you in your mature take on all this. Allow me to offer a personal insight. Not all of us are outgoing and the life of the party . Some of us like to remain quiet and thoughtful and that doesn t mean there s anything...

Parenting Stepchildren: Time to grow up, night midweek, social gatherings
night midweek, social gatherings, alcoholic husband: Welcome to the world of step-parenting. He s 18 and only visits once a week and every other weekend. Consider yourself fortunate, it could be worse. He is not your son. You need to accept him as your husband s son and offer support only. If you try to control...

Parenting Stepchildren: Trouble with Boyriends Daughter, great relationship, anything in this world
great relationship, anything in this world, mother figure: I have been here. My husband s ex hated me more than anything in this world! She hated it more that her kids liked me so she told them awful things about me. My stepdaughter was four when I met hubby, things were ok at first, but her mother got a hold...

Parenting Stepchildren: Troubled Grandparents, neighbor downstairs, drug and alcohol abuse
neighbor downstairs, drug and alcohol abuse, jerry springer: Dear Rory, WOW.....you have your hands full. So let s see what can be taken care of and what cannot. First of all...you have 2 children of your own that need stability and some type of normal lifestyle. This eldest daughter and her husband seem to do...

Parenting Stepchildren: Troubled Stepson - Please Help, extreme anger, kindergarten class
extreme anger, kindergarten class, poor attitude: Hello Jude, After all the explanation you provided, I was a bit surprised to see that your only question was about the cell phone... I am concerned, however, about a few other issues you ve brought up. It seriously sounds like this lad has anger management...

Parenting Stepchildren: Troubled stepmom, evil stepmother, spoiled brat
evil stepmother, spoiled brat, full custody: Hi April, You are in a very difficult situation and I can understand your frustration with both your husband and his son. You described your stepson s run in with the law over the past two years so I suspect his difficulties with following rules and appropriate...

Parenting Stepchildren: Troubled teen, step daughter, arguements
step daughter, arguements, troubled teen: Dear J, Your stepdaughter s issues are more related to a troubled teen than a strained stepdaughter/stepfather relationship. It seems that her issues are not directly related to you and in fact, I don t think they have anything to do with you at all, at...

Parenting Stepchildren: Trusting a Step-Daughter, step daughter, blended family
step daughter, blended family, stepfather: Hello Debbie, This is your husband s stepdaughter? I take it then he was married before and was part of a blended family. The statement ...she flirts with him to get his attention... is a concern of mine. Why would she want to flirt with her stepfather?...

Parenting Stepchildren: can't connect to my three step-children ( 9,12, & 13), mad men, lond
mad men, lond, time jobs: I think kids should be kids as long as possible too, but that does not mean they should rule the roost or run around like mad men, that means they should play with barbies and not have full time jobs. I would suggest you talking to your husband in those...

Parenting Stepchildren: Can't except 3yr old stepson, happy marriage, stepson
happy marriage, stepson, timely response: You will never have the relationship you want because the child and the ex will always be there, that is the harsh facts! It is not wrong for you to feel the way you do, your feelings are your own and understandable. I do not think as long as you have...

Parenting Stepchildren: I can't seem to gain any ground on my son, neutral ground, best wishes
neutral ground, best wishes, anger: Hi Anthony, I think part of what you are dealing w/is anger he feels toward his bio father for never being there for him, but it s directed at you because you are the one who s there. Try to remember that, when he s driving you crazy. Secondly, are...

Parenting Stepchildren: can't stand the stepchildren, kid gloves, little angels
kid gloves, little angels, stepkids: Hi Heather, Thank you for your question. It sounds to me like you have a big decision to make here. Your stepkids are part of the package at any age and they re not really going anywhere. Even if they physically move out of the house, you will still be dealing...

Parenting Stepchildren: I can't think clearly! Fustrated step mom, bad manners, step mom
bad manners, step mom, houshold: Hi Leah, Wow, you are in a very difficult situation and I agree with you 100%. Giving into these children s every desire is possibly the worst thing that their grandparents and father can be doing for them. They are probably having a very hard time with...

Parenting Stepchildren: Should we talk about the 'non existant natural father?, ducks in a row, mom and dad
ducks in a row, mom and dad, biological father: Dear friend, Praise be to you for parenting this child. One day he will know how lucky he is to have someone like you in his life. My suggestion is that you continue as you are for now. At 9 years old, boys are still young at thinking and really figuring...

Parenting Stepchildren: teen daughter hates stepfather, marriage work, teen daughter
marriage work, teen daughter, stepson: If your husband wasn t around she would probably be hating you, it is partially the age she is. I know there is much more to this than you can possibly tell me in a short message, and only you truly know what is best for your daughter. I just want to...

Parenting Stepchildren: teenage stepdaughter, walking on eggshells, stepdaughter
walking on eggshells, stepdaughter, wits end: Melody, Thanks for writing. In reading what you wrote, you never mentioned the dad. Is he around? What kind of relationship does she have with her dad? Do you and her bio mom get along? From what you describe, she is obviously disconnecting from you....

Parenting Stepchildren: My teenage stepson is on a downward spiral, adult supervision, downward spiral
adult supervision, downward spiral, nosedive: I don t know how much of this is a stepchild problem, and how much of it is just rebelious teenager problem. That being said, my husband s daughter came to live with us at 15 after her mother died. This girl was always out of control, just down right weird...

Parenting Stepchildren: teenage stepson, step parenting, fatherly figure
step parenting, fatherly figure, awkward situation: Hello Craig, He touches his mother or you in any form of violence, jail. Do not hesitate. If he continues being this way, change the consequences to something more severe, such as removal via the police from the home, to a home. I had a stepdaughter...

Parenting Stepchildren: Make up on teens, finger nail polish, whole nine yards
finger nail polish, whole nine yards, goth style: Dear Jim, I read your situation with much concern. I think that you have a serious situation on your hands, but hopefully is not one that cannot be handled. Obviously you are in an awkward role, but thank goodness for you and your interest in this child....

Parenting Stepchildren: When do I tell my half-brothers who I really am?, half brothers, biological father
half brothers, biological father, brothers and sisters: Dear Christina, I had some difficulty understanding exactly how all of these relationships worked. Four and six year old children don t have the ability to understand anything about relationships. It is not your place to let them know who is who. Seems to...

Parenting Stepchildren: Being a temporary guardian, temporary guardian, medication for depression
temporary guardian, medication for depression, abusive relationship: Isn t if funny how the ones that do everything for the kids get the bad end of the stick while the mean, nasty ones that are the cause of the children s problems get all the glory? I think it is partially because the bad parents in the kids eyes are not...

Parenting Stepchildren: a terrible stepson, loyalty conflicts, coming my way
loyalty conflicts, coming my way, stepfamily: Hi Sonia - I suspect your real problem is with your partner, and the stepson (SS) secondarily. You are probably experiencing versions of several simultaneous stepfamily stressors: loyalty conflicts, values conflicts (about parenting and discipline), and relationship...

Parenting Stepchildren: a tragic turn of events, three girls, nothing but trouble
three girls, nothing but trouble, new men: My husband s ex died about two years ago. I know what you are going through. EVERYTHING has been turned upside down! You have to remember everyone is going through change right now. I think if it is possible the first thing you need to do is get a...

Parenting Stepchildren: trouble with step children, risperdall, lax parenting
risperdall, lax parenting, psychotic episodes: This is not easy at all. I have a stepdaughter with mental problems, it is VERY frustrating. The hard thing to remember is they are not well. I get mad at her because she is 17 and acts 10 or younger, it is annoying! You can not change the children or...

Parenting Stepchildren: trouble w/teen daughter of partner, bad manners, good grief
bad manners, good grief, share custody: Hello again, In all honesty Claire, I m not sure how to answer that. Frankly, I feel this would be just putting off and denying the obvious and can I honestly advise you to do the pretend over the holidays scenario... no I cannot. My advice is still the...

Parenting Stepchildren: Uncontrollable resentment towards stepson after birth of baby..., maternal grandmother, step mom
maternal grandmother, step mom, birth of baby: Hello Annie, Why settle for second best? I can see why you are never sure and always unsettled about feelings. You need more reassurance, loyalty and support from your boyfriend. You must consider yourself and the well-being of your son first. If this...

Parenting Stepchildren: Unhealthy stepdaughter, sad the girl, page express
sad the girl, page express, 6 years: How sad. The girl weighs almost as much as I do. My six year old (almost 7) weighs 60 pounds. So yes, there is a HUGE problem. This is what I suggest. I think written communication is great. (Keep a copy for yourself) Do some research, don t add it...

Parenting Stepchildren: Unneeded advice from my steapdad, stepdad, little woman
stepdad, little woman, opinon: Hello Kia, You are away at College, consider yourself lucky! Feel bad for your mother who cannot get away like that. While home, avoid him. Confrontation with this man will lead to further confrontations and nothing good. Finally, be glad you re not marrying...

Parenting Stepchildren: violent stepson, assesment center, order of protection
assesment center, order of protection, stepson: Hello Celines, This is very serious. It sounds like the lad should be tested for drug abuse or mental issues. You need to get the lad removed from the home. If he threatens you, have the police come and remove him from your home. Then get an order of protection...

Parenting Stepchildren: When is visitation too much, wonderful man, two girls
wonderful man, two girls, mother in law: I sure can relate to this. I could tell you probably a hundred stories, I will stick to two. One time many years ago before we had a son, my husband told me that we would go to World s of Fun, just the two of us. Well, his kids some how got wind of it...

Parenting Stepchildren: visitations, step daughters, step daughter
step daughters, step daughter, court document: Hello Jean, First, if the mother has custody is there a court order laying out the visitation rights? If not, get one. That way if she attempts to keep your step-daughter away from you, you have a legal court document that can warrant actions to ensure...

Parenting Stepchildren: visitations, supervised visits, nice surprise
supervised visits, nice surprise, supervised visitation: Dawn, You don t say how old the children are but I have two suggestions. First, don t tell them she is coming. That way, if she does show up, it will be a nice surprise and the disappointment won t occur every week when she is a no-show. Secondly, go...

Parenting Stepchildren: Us vs. Biologoical Mother, horrible attitude, girl 16
horrible attitude, girl 16, christian environment: Let me start with by telling you I too am a Christian. As Christians we are ORDERED to forgive! This is somthing we must do. BUT! To forgive is not to let the person hurt you again! You can forgive her, but not allow her in your life anymore. Pray that...

Parenting Stepchildren: Wanting things done his way, happy hi, great situation
happy hi, great situation, unreasonable expectations: Hi Claire, Before I answer your question, I need to apologize to you for the length of time it took me to answer you. I saw this question the other day and thought I answered it. I am concerned about your indication in your e-mail that you spend much...

Parenting Stepchildren: Wicked stepmother, wicked stepmother, geometry teacher
wicked stepmother, geometry teacher, schoolyear: Hello Again, Remember there is a difference between this generation and ours. The kids today have grown accustomed to the instant way of thinking and feel they deserve a lot of things without having to actually work for it. They are surrounded by this...

Parenting Stepchildren: Wife and her stepchildren and their privacy right, cause stress, secret discussions
cause stress, secret discussions, time fo: Hello Jim, First thing to question is why all the secrecy? Secondly, I would like to stress that any blended family will only survive if communications are strong within the family and a full understanding of each s role within the family occurs. ...

Parenting Stepchildren: Wife vs. child(ren), strict disciplinarian, beautiful daughter
strict disciplinarian, beautiful daughter, child ren: Hello Dean - I m sad to read your (familiar) story. From your description, I suspect that you and/or your wife may not be able to truly accept that you are a stepfamily, and/or what that *means.* One meaning is that you will be forced to choose between your...

Parenting Stepchildren: should I be watching his children?, stay at home mom, union carpenter
stay at home mom, union carpenter, autistic daughter: Hello Kat, Yes, you are. If you were not in the picture but he was still working all these hours, would there even be an issue? No. He has to work and is unavailable. She would then have to find an alternative babysitter. You are not to get involved for...

Parenting Stepchildren: The wicked stepmother needs help, wicked stepmother, pet fur
wicked stepmother, pet fur, snide comments: Dear Bettyjo, When these children enter into your home...they are to obey your rules. It doesn t matter that you are a step-parent....it is just respect for adults. The problem is not this child....the problem is your husband. Since he is allowing this....what...

Parenting Stepchildren: wife and ex wife cat fight, child support amount, mail box
child support amount, mail box, voice mail: I understand, we have been there. Again it is all about her having control. She knows she has you right where she wants you. The good news is, she would have to file a seperate order of review for the child support, they won t conduct one in the same,...

Parenting Stepchildren: My wife has nothing to do with my 10 year old son, great relationship, good nite
great relationship, good nite, how was school: Hello Vinson, I must ask how it would be if you were to reverse the roles and apply your wife s way of thinking to her children. Do they not have a father? Can he not support and provide for them? If he is doing this, should you not use her technique and...

Parenting Stepchildren: When world collide, discipline rules, wonderful woman
discipline rules, wonderful woman, young ones: Hello Sal, There is an old saying: If it s not broke, why fix it? I think this would be a perfect time to just go with the flow and continue on as it is. In meantime, you need to talk to her and vocalize your concerns. She can work towards getting...

Parenting Stepchildren: Am I wrong to resent my adult stepdaughter, free health care, guilt trip
free health care, guilt trip, food stamps: Only you can decide if you will put up with this any longer. I just wanted to let you know that I have been there, I have fought over a stepdaughter for years! (Not as many as you have though, I should be getting advice from you!) You ARE NOT wrong! ...

Parenting Stepchildren: what to do, custidy, rude behavior
custidy, rude behavior, stepdaughter: Dear Sue, It is the responsibility of your husband to direct and correct the rude behavior of this daughter. When she comes over again he should set her down and let her know that no longer will anyone in your household tolerate rude behavior and that the...

Parenting Stepchildren: What should I do, aquantances, fiances
aquantances, fiances, family situation: Dear Dan ~~ I m sorry you re hurting like this. And the unhappiness in your home is not your fault. It takes everyone time to adjust to a new family situation, and you have the added stress of moving to a new country. Your mom is probably suffering a lot,...

Parenting --Teens: 10 YR OLD, corporal punishment, good spanking
corporal punishment, good spanking, mouthy: Hello Trish, I m assuming that her mother has been a bit lax in setting limits and enforcing limits with the girl, right? However, entering puberty at age 10 (which is fairly normal these days) means that her hormones will be in fluctuation and this can...

Parenting --Teens: 10 year old daughter lying and stealing, american express card, police detective
american express card, police detective, teenage sister: Dear Doris: I am very glad to hear your daughter is under the care of a professional. By the way emotional abuse occurs simultaneously with physical abuse, as your response indicates. For both of your sakes, please seek some professional counseling for...

Parenting --Teens: 10th grade girl pursuing my 7th grade son, grade girl, single mom
grade girl, single mom, good kid: Hmm...well that is strange, because in my experience girls tend to be attracted to the older boys. Perhaps she has trouble with her self-esteem and, since a 7th grader would be flattered and unlikely to refuse, wishes to bolster her self-esteem in a relationship...

Parenting --Teens: 11 Year Old Girl Will Not Apologize, divorce and remarriage, young adolescent
divorce and remarriage, young adolescent, friends at school: Hello Theresa, Sorry to take so long to respond, but I ve been overwhelmed with questions lately. I think a lot of what you re asking depends on what she was like before this incident. Did you have concern about her ability to be empathic prior to this...

Parenting --Teens: 11 year old with bad grades and lies about it, learning disability, undesirable behaviors
learning disability, undesirable behaviors, family counseling: Dear Fernie: Okay what you are saying is what you are doing is not working. Stop doing that as it doesn t work. First, get her to her doctor and make sure all is well physically. If this is so, then ask for an assessment to determine rule out any possibility...

Parenting --Teens: 11 year old boy, school permission slip, james windell
school permission slip, james windell, home on time: Hi Cindy, It sounds like adolescence to me! Adolescence starts at about age 10 these days. And teenagers are typically much more interested in other things then those things parents think they should be interested in. How do you handle his lack of responsibility?...

Parenting --Teens: 11 year old lying and very self centered, chromosome disorder, body hygiene
chromosome disorder, body hygiene, surprise addition: Hello Lisa, Many children seem to experience drastic changes at adolescence. Today, in our society, for all intents and purposes, we can say that adolescence begins about age 10. Your son, for whatever reasons, has not reacted well to adolescence. He might...

Parenting --Teens: 11 year old is always mean and lies, care attitude, i don t care
care attitude, i don t care, zero tolerance: Hello Anne, Eleven is a difficult age for many children. However, I realize that she has had difficulties for many years. She is in adolescence now -- many experts regard adolescence as starting at age 10 or 11 these days. It s typical for children to gain...

Parenting --Teens: My 11 year old Son becoming Very Sensitive, geology section, good relationship
geology section, good relationship, friends at school: Hi Anwar, your question is not easy to answer over the internet. Certainly his sensitivity could be related to growing up, and possibly starting puberty. There could be innumerable other reasons that you have noticed a change. Just to name a few- peer pressure,...

Parenting --Teens: 11 year old son hurt his 8 year old brother, james windell, torn cartilage
james windell, torn cartilage, negative consequence: Hello Bob, First. let me pose some questions: 1. Your 11-year-old usually doesn t hurt other children (except during rough play with his brothers), right? 2. Did he seem sorry or show any guilt after hurting his younger brother? If your son feels...

Parenting --Teens: 11 year old son, being argumentative, correct strategy
being argumentative, correct strategy, responsible adult: Dear Guy: You have two boys and both are in honor s classes. I hope you realize how successful you are as parents. Talking back and being argumentative is just part of the process of him becoming a teenager. As for the differences between the two it...

Parenting --Teens: 11 yr old troubles, homework schedule, sports and music
homework schedule, sports and music, smart kid: Hello Susan, I hate to tell you this, but your son is not a preteen. He s a teenager. These days most experts agree that adolescence starts about age 10 and continues into the twenties. At age 11, though, there is only a few things you let go of. However,...

Parenting --Teens: 11year old is pre teen, james windell, bright kid
james windell, bright kid, school detention: Hello Fiona, These days many children enter puberty as early as age 10. So the likelihood is that he is an adolescent already. Which means, as you are suggesting, that some or all of his problem behaviors may be attributed to his being a teenager. Hanging...

Parenting --Teens: 12 YEAR OLD SON REBELLIOUS, guidance counselor, voice mail
guidance counselor, voice mail, assignements: Hi Lisa~ I have an 11 yo (12 next month). She seemed to be doing a lot of the things that he s been doing. She went through a phase of lying as well. She was doing pretty bad in school, that they thought she might have to be held back, luckily she s...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old Boy - Dropping Grades, hi mom, family meeting
hi mom, family meeting, quarter report: Hi Mom of B I think that only you and your husband can answer this question and make the decision. Your sun has known that the rule was in place for months. You need to consider what will he think of your rules if you change them to make it more fun for...

Parenting --Teens: My 12 year old has changed completely, birth control pills, loving child
birth control pills, loving child, pms symptoms: The defiance and moodiness is very typical of many 12 year olds. When children begin to approach puberty, their hormones wreak havoc, their self-esteem takes a nose-dive, and they begin to push the envelope of authority to attempt to begin to establish their...

Parenting --Teens: My 12-year-old daughter is out of control, girls and boys, guy friends
girls and boys, guy friends, boys and girls: Hi Christine, Yes, many girls (and boys) grow up a bit faster these days. But, I think that was always true. Anyway, by reading what your daughter wrote you know that you have to provide more monitoring and supervision of her. This means that you have...

Parenting --Teens: My 12 year old daughter is falling fast, residential move, bright girl
residential move, bright girl, working with families: Hi Rita, No, I don t suggest taking away what she has known and what is comfortable for her. Some kids take a long time to make the transition to a new area. You can t force her to make friends. She sounds just stubborn enough that no matter what you did...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old daughter, callous attitude, carrie ann
callous attitude, carrie ann, sexual behavior: Hello Carrie Ann, Yes, of course, this would be a concern. More than the fact that there was sexual behavior involved is her attitude. This somewhat callous attitude may not be indicative of a problem, but it could be. In other words, it seems that in this...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old daughter, james windell, social relationships
james windell, social relationships, small steps: Hello Burt, It s great that you and your daughter are close enough to talk about the things that are upsetting in her life. Social relationships are so important during the teen years. But since you are talking about this, you ll be able to guide her....

Parenting --Teens: my 12 year old daughter, daughter visits, questionable content
daughter visits, questionable content, behavioral differences: Hello Heather, You ve got that right! Parenting is the most difficult, time-consuming, thankless, and -- at the same time -- exciting thing we can do. You job got more complicated and challenging with the diagnosis of your daughter with diabetes. That...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old daughter makes bad decisions, bad decisions, learning disabilities
bad decisions, learning disabilities, bad grades: Rachel, Thanks for more info it is very helpful. I wonder if you really know that mom is making attempts to do things differently. In my experience getting a parent to change their parenting style is VERY difficult. Thus, I would questions wether bio-mom...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old daughter makes bad decisions, positive reinforcement, correct assignment
positive reinforcement, correct assignment, bad decisions: Hi Racheal, You are definitely not going too far! The only trouble is that you are getting punished too. If her teachers will cooperate, make her write down homework assignments in each subject, get them initialed by each teacher that it is in fact the correct...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old daughter makes bad decisions, mental health evaluation, bad decisions
mental health evaluation, bad decisions, bad grades: Dear Rachel: The bad grades have been going on since she was in 3rd grade? Something is happening here and obviously the testing did not pick it up. Was she just tested by the school? Not all testing professionals are created equal. I would have a complete...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old daughter makes bad decisions, average iq, intellectual strengths
average iq, intellectual strengths, learning disabilities: Hello Rachel, I m not sure just what she needs. But I think we both need more information. For instance, you ve said that she was tested for learning disabilities, but what exactly did the testing show? Just that there were no disabilities? Did it show...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old daughter-out of control., cigarettes and alcohol, time teenagers
cigarettes and alcohol, time teenagers, lovely child: Dear Lesley, First thing going on in my mind as I read this is where is a 13 year old getting cigarettes and alcohol? Something is definetly going on here. She will go for weeks being ok then goes back to her old ways. This jumps out at me. Something...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old son turned girl crazy, social butterfly, changing clothes
social butterfly, changing clothes, girls ages: Hi Jana, This is a new one for me, as my boys were all just the opposite. In fact, my 17 year-old son still has very little interest in girls, especially since he got a Wii for Christmas! Your son has hit puberty a bit early. It is within the normal...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old son dating and more, touchy feely, constant touch
touchy feely, constant touch, heat of the moment: Dear Lisa, You and the other mom are doing GREAT with your on target assessment of this and what to do about it. Work together and stay positive...your approach is fine. Keep it up...and stay in constant touch with the other mom. (yes prohibiting them...

Parenting --Teens: 12-year old son, boys and girls club, private places
boys and girls club, private places, stepdad: It is completely normal for your son to act this way, even if your husband were still in the picture. Now that he is out, he will be more clingy than ever. He is old enough now for you to speak with him directly about your need to mingle with others. ...

Parenting --Teens: My 12 year old son steals from me, apple itunes, third world country
apple itunes, third world country, straterra: Hello Steven, You probably didn t create his stealing habits. Children who are adopted after one year sometimes have been exposed to neglect or abuse. That may well play a significant role in his current behavior. Since he has been diagnosed as ADD and...

Parenting --Teens: 12-year-old son, neighborhood friends, social gatherings
neighborhood friends, social gatherings, one of the boys: Hello Lisa, As parents, it hurts to see our children excluded from parties and social gatherings. And, of course, it hurts more when you have befriended someone who treats your child badly. I think the best overall approach is to talk about it (as you...

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old and stepdad, keith o brien, relationship coach
keith o brien, relationship coach, futurepoint: Anne, As we both know, things don t change just because of wishing thinking. In order for the relationship between your husband and your daughter to change, they both have to be willing to do things differently and more importantly, they have to be willing...

Parenting --Teens: 12 yr old w/ ADHD and behavior problems, discipline problems, clean clothes
discipline problems, clean clothes, visitation schedule: Hi, well that makes things very difficult. It amazes me to hear about parents like him. Clearly he has no idea the impact of his actions (or lack of them) on his kids. I suspect his father was probably not overly involved in his childhood either. Sometimes,...

Parenting --Teens: 12yr old boy and motivation, nothing works, schoolwork
nothing works, schoolwork, chores: Hello Lisa, It sounds like you ve tried really hard to motivate your son. You ve also tried a variety of approaches. I would suggest that you stop trying so hard. Instead, focus on the relationship with him. Here s what I suggest that you do: First,...

Parenting --Teens: 13 Boys - puberty, boys puberty, underwear drawer
boys puberty, underwear drawer, parents room: I agree with your husband. The real issue lies in his trespassing into his friend s parents room to satisfy his curiosity. But it isn t just that he did this...the question that needs to be answered is why? Is this a healthy curiosity or more? It s really...

Parenting --Teens: My almost 13 son, james windell, wits end
james windell, wits end, trouble in school: Hello Laurie, For many children, the on-set of adolescence and middle school coincides with lingering problems, such as learning problems. The result sometimes is exactly what you re seeing -- a young person who is angry with himself, angry because school...

Parenting --Teens: 13 Year old embarrased to be seen with mother, behavour, adult friends
behavour, adult friends, 13 year olds: Dear Nadine, Yes I would be very hurt too...and I was hurt when one of our girls felt that way becuase I talked to anyone and everyone and made faces and etc. But that passed and passed more easily when I told her how it made me feel...I described how...

Parenting --Teens: 13 Yr old stepson and his mother, pointless arguments, stepson
pointless arguments, stepson, many sleepless nights: Hello Neil, I answered this question several days ago, but it appears my answer was not sent to you. So I will try again. It s very frustrating as a stepparent to be put in the position of the tough disciplinarian. It s not only frustrating, it s unfair....

Parenting --Teens: 13 Yr old stepson and his mother, pointless arguments, stepson
pointless arguments, stepson, many sleepless nights: Hello Neil, As you indicate, this is a rough situation. Often parents who tend to be somewhat wimpy and are not quite able to stand up to their kids, put the responsibility on others. But, in addition, they are defensive when there are attempts at discussion....

Parenting --Teens: 13 y/o behavior, james windell, first year of marriage
james windell, first year of marriage, rocky relationship: Hello Jayni, Sorry to hear things have been so rough in the last year or so. I m sure that the changes and the crises in the family, plus normal early adolescent turmoil, has been the reasons for the changed behavior in your daughter. Some basic suggestions...

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old acting out stepson, beer cans, nasty notes
beer cans, nasty notes, acting out: Hello Amy, The short-term diversion program is only a steppingstone on the way to other programs. The boy s attitude certainly shows that. The next time there is a police encounter, your husband must insist the police file a report. Or, both of you could...

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old daughter, dear christine, school year
dear christine, school year, snacks: Dear Christine Do call the school and/or teacher immediately and make an appointment to see them. You need to see what is going on, and if this means visiting and observing in the shcool, that is also a good idea and is your right as a parent and taxpayer....

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old daughter refuses to visit her dad, good grief, custody arrangement
good grief, custody arrangement, joint custody: So, after 3 1/2 years you are still not divorced, only separated?  Why?   Hmmmmmm. This would be really easy for me to answer if you were divorced. I would say that your daughter has divided loyalties and feels she is deserting you if she goes to visit...

Parenting --Teens: My 13 year old daughter wants to live with her irresponsible father!!!, hand over fist, money hand
hand over fist, money hand, law enforcement agency: Dear TC, I am so sorry you must be heartbroken. Well first, what jumped out at me is what you said about her not knowing about the drug charges and other elements of her father s life. This is where many of us go wrong with children. While it is not...

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old daughters friend, sexual behaviors, illegal drugs
sexual behaviors, illegal drugs, teenage children: Hi Christine, First let me say you are doing the right thing about sticking to your guns. She has no business at the other girl s house. There is really no telling what goes on over there, from illegal drugs to inappropriate sexual behaviors. From your...

Parenting --Teens: almost 13 year old driving me crazy, having such a hard time, rational perspective
having such a hard time, rational perspective, crazy question: Hi Julie, The problem with most stronger ways to get through to kids is that a lot of times they have negative side effects. Sometimes, of course, they work. But it s hard to predict which ones will work and which will make things worse. If you want...

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old female teenager, rubbish tip, female teenager
rubbish tip, female teenager, smoking pot: Hi Linda, In the work I do, I see a lot of this type of problem. It has been my observation that one or more of three things is the cause of a 13 year old like your niece s all of a sudden change in behavior. Here s what I have noticed: (1) The behavior...

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old girl, parenting teens, teenage issues
parenting teens, teenage issues, quality time: Dear Denise: So you daughter is 13 and she is doing okay but you are freaking out about having a 13 year old? Well that is quite normal. Realize that emphasizing making one mistake and ruining your whole life does not mean much to a 13 year old. Why...

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old girl is a rude, selfish monster!, mom daughter, atm card
mom daughter, atm card, puppy dog: Annette, Isn t middle school a fun age! So, you have a little attitude issue with your daughter, how fun! I understand and I applaud your efforts so far (hopefully your little fantasies will stay only in your head). My question is this. You have done...

Parenting --Teens: My 13 year old son, disney princess, pool party
disney princess, pool party, religious background: Hi Christine~ There s probably nothing you can do to make him not be gay,if he is. I can understand to a point where you are coming from. You can t make a child be gay or not be gay. It s just something that happens,that is sometimes beyond parental...

Parenting --Teens: Our 13 year old son, parent teacher interviews, childhood and adolescence
parent teacher interviews, childhood and adolescence, attitude problems: Hello Nathalie, His exceptional behavior at home suggests to me that there is a problem at school (beyond the behavior and attitude problems you mentioned). First, as a young adolescent, I assume that just being in the transitionsal phase between childhood...

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old son!, christian private school, strict upbringing
christian private school, strict upbringing, younger son: Dear Salpi: You may not like some of this however, try to read it all the way through. I think you will see how it can be very helpful. You didn t mention what type of discipline you use other than to say you have a strict upbringing. I have found over...

Parenting --Teens: My 13 year old son crys, james windell, perfectionistic tendencies
james windell, perfectionistic tendencies, child psychologist: Hello Liz, Sounds like your son has some perfectionistic tendencies. These lead him to be frustrated, and he reacts to frustration with anger and crying. The crying obviously sets him up for teasing. I think your son would benefit from seeing a good child...

Parenting --Teens: my 13 year old son, james windell, steady girlfriend
james windell, steady girlfriend, typical kinds: Hello Susan, While it is not unusual for some 13-year-olds to act more like 15 and 16-year-olds, it would seem that your son is advanced in his interest in girls. His withdrawal from the family may suggest that he is struggling with adolescence and dealing...

Parenting --Teens: 13 yo daughter snuck out, long periods of time, trouble sleeping
long periods of time, trouble sleeping, having fun: Dear Lori: I would let it go at this point. If she returns it to you then you can discuss it. Realize she is showing you respect. Although you are her parents she is CHOOSING to abide by your rules. She could be sneaking out at night and continuing to see...

Parenting --Teens: my 13 yr daughter cuts her arms to make her self feel better, james windell, self mutilators
james windell, self mutilators, psychiatric diagnosis: Hello Carrey, The behavior you are describing is called self-mutilating behavior and is not indicative of any particular psychological or psychiatric diagnosis. It does mean that the teen does have some problems or concerns. I think what your daughter...

Parenting --Teens: 13 yr old daughter, bunch of perverts, logical consequences
bunch of perverts, logical consequences, parenting classes: Dear Julie: Okay we need to separate these issues out immediately. First there are the issues with your daughter and then there are the relationship issues you have with your spouse and ex. You need to see these clearly as SEPARATE issues. Okay...

Parenting --Teens: My 13 yr old son, keith o brien, christian enviroment
keith o brien, christian enviroment, futurepoint: Hi Nikki and Mike, Sounds like you have a great son who is adjusting to some change in some unique ways. Everyone deals with change in different ways and for teenagers...talking about it is usually last on the list. So, here are some things to consider......

Parenting --Teens: my 13 yr old son, child psychologist, intellectual abilities
child psychologist, intellectual abilities, english reading: Hello Bev, I think the biggest question here is: What s going on with his school work? If he has the potential, why is he doing so badly? Why is he turning blank papers? My guess might be that he has some learning problems that he either hides (from...

Parenting --Teens: My 13 yr. old son, discipline problem, focus factor
discipline problem, focus factor, binded: Going from elementary school to junior high school is a transition that gives kids a lot more freedom. They have six different teachers instead of being binded to one, they are now served soda and pizza for lunch, and they start to experience boyfriends...

Parenting --Teens: 13 yr old w/ODD?, minor infractions, class clown
minor infractions, class clown, core subjects: Dear Neen: You are right to be concerned about a diagnoses being placed upon your son. I am concerned thought about several patterns of communication I noticed in your writing about him. It is very easy for us as parents to get caught up in negative...

Parenting --Teens: 14 YR Old Daughter, autistic boy, single parent
autistic boy, single parent, out of the blue: Hello Linda, I m sorry I m late in responding to your question, but I didn t get it. Anyway, I can sympathize and empathize with your situation with your daughter. We have a 15-year-old boy in our house. Since what s going on in your house is similar to...

Parenting --Teens: 14 y.o. son - no social life, neighborhood school, old neighborhood
neighborhood school, old neighborhood, communication level: Dear Kelley: First of all congratulate yourselves as parents that your only challenge with 14 year old is that he is not socializing. This is a new era and teens are more frequently less social than we were due to the availability and access to technology....

Parenting --Teens: Getting through to my 14 year old, drumming lessons, aggressive attitude
drumming lessons, aggressive attitude, concequences: Getting his heart is something that is a process that begins when a child is small. I think it would be important for you to sit with your ex and be very clear on what you need from him. It doesn t matter if you are the bad parent. You need to keep your kid...

Parenting --Teens: I have a 14-year old daughter..., destiney, girl friends
destiney, girl friends, whole time: Even though your not going to want to hear this, what you are seeing in your daughter is perfectly normal behavior for her age, and as long as you don t seem to be overly upset by it, this phase will quickly pass. The more a parent seems upset by a particular...

Parenting --Teens: I have a 14 year old daughter..., sensible move, doing the right thing
sensible move, doing the right thing, family and friends: Hello Regina, The difficulty in these kinds of situations is that nearly any sensible move you make as a parent is seen as your efforts to break up her romance and deny her the opportunity for love. That in turn, tends to drive the lovers closer together....

Parenting --Teens: 14 year old daughter driving me mad, serious thing, 2 friends
serious thing, 2 friends, insinuation: Nothing frustrates a child more than the insinuation that a parent doesn t trust them (even if that distrust is justified). Another frustrating thing is to be told to do something you were going to do anyway. Invasion of what a teen considers to be their...

Parenting --Teens: 14 year old daughter and online friend groups, james windell, friends houses
james windell, friends houses, halloween party: Hello Barbara, I think the consequences you have listed are appropriate. She has broken a rule and there should be consequences. And the consequences you give her must remind her that these are serious rules you ve made and you will consistently enforce...

Parenting --Teens: 14-year-old daughter's lying boyfriend, daughter heather, bad decisions
daughter heather, bad decisions, football game: Hello, first I would like to say that this is my mother s screen name and she asked me to answer it for her because she didn t know what to say. I am 20 yrs old and have been in bad and good relationships. However my parents wouldnt let me start dating until...

Parenting --Teens: 14 year old and prank, james windell, excessive punishment
james windell, excessive punishment, time problem: Hello Karen, The punishment you have selected sounds fine. There is, of course, the danger of too much punishment. But if you keep the present punishment fairly short, that will make up for any excess. I would suggest that the punishment not last for more...

Parenting --Teens: How to get through to my 14 year old son., drumming lessons, aggressive attitude
drumming lessons, aggressive attitude, concequences: Hi Kristina, I have walked in your shoes. Usually they suspend them before they let them go in there six times. When this happens, it is because they want to be in there. They do not like the classroom. The ISS teacher does not in force the rules in her classroom,...

Parenting --Teens: 14 year old son, homework school, financial commitments
homework school, financial commitments, world answer: Heidi, Just a thought there is being involved like you are and then there is being involved in a way that doesn t involve a lot of functions it just involves being together without other distractions. You do seem in a difficult situation with all the things...

Parenting --Teens: 14 year old son with ADD, tourettes, OCD, and auditory processing disorder, appeals process, speech therapy
appeals process, speech therapy, ocd: Dear Cynthia: You know your son better than anyone else. Please trust your instincts. I am not sure how counseling will give him a bad sense of himself. I am not sure why the school district has removed his INEPT however I hope you realize that any...

Parenting --Teens: 14 year old, school skirt, center of attention
school skirt, center of attention, loo: Start by giving her some rules to follow especially about respect for others. You need to tell her you will have her arrested for battery if she intends to keep hitting you. At least, make it a threat to see if she backs off. Stop buying her clothes...

Parenting --Teens: 14 yo daughter sent partial nude pics to boyfriend, going to a party, stressful situations
going to a party, stressful situations, nude pics: Dear Sheila: Well the good news is your daughter is growing up and becoming an adult. However, watching our teens make decisions we know are not good for them is always a stressful situations for parents. You could tell her not to talk to him however...

Parenting --Teens: 14 yr old daughter with a 19 yr old man., school friends, wanda
school friends, wanda, old man: Wanda, Your daughter should have ZERO access to any computer related items. This means cell phones as well. This ZERO ZERO access needs to apply to school, friends, relatives. It has been shown that she can t be trusted, so if you trust her now it is on you...

Parenting --Teens: 14 yr old daughter....need advice, child advocates, daughter need
child advocates, daughter need, step dad: Hello Kirby, Do I think the punishment is too severe? Yes, I do. It s almost a set-up for violating the punishment and getting more time tacked on. Taking away everything for three months is over-kill. Frankly, I think the point was made when she was caught...

Parenting --Teens: 14 yr old daughter, attention getter, good behavior
attention getter, good behavior, leeway: Dear Joann: At any age sneaking out, chatting in inappropriate chat rooms and sending pictures is dangerous however, more so when she is only 14. If she does not respond to your concerns then by all means shut off the computer. This is what passwords...

Parenting --Teens: 14 yr old having sex?, serious relationship, emotional issues
serious relationship, emotional issues, having sex: Hi Mary, Well I guess there are a few things. I am wondering how you found that note from the girlfriend. Has there been some concerns about him and you were snooping around? If so that is a problem in itself as your son needs to feel like he has some privacy...

Parenting --Teens: 14 yr old son looking at males, gay adolescents, male hunks
gay adolescents, male hunks, body image: Hello Brenda, Congratulations on having the courage to ask the question. Often, the hardest part is starting to talk about something bothering you. There could be more than one reason for a teenage boy to look at male hunks. He may be attracted to males,...

Parenting --Teens: 14yr old behavioral problem, james windell, mood swings
james windell, mood swings, priviledges: Hello Brooke, I m sorry to hear about the problems your son is experiencing. These mood swings and rages came about suddenly just a month ago? That seems unusual. Therefore, I think a first step is to take him to a doctor and ask for a complete physical....

Parenting --Teens: Can you be 15 and a nymphomaniac?, james windell, having a boy
james windell, having a boy, acting out: Hello Terri, I don t think putting a label (such as nymphomaniac) on this girl will help in any way. Suffice it to say that she has strong needs for affection from males. Sending her to a girl s school won t solve the problem. I would suggest that they...

Parenting --Teens: My 15 Year Old Son Change, Lack of Motivation, james windell, psychological evaluations
james windell, psychological evaluations, lack of motivation: Hello Deanna, I m sorry to hear about your concerns about your son. You mentioned that he was in rehab, but you didn t say whether he has worked with a therapist or counselor. Nor did you mention any psychological evaluations. I think I would recommend...

Parenting --Teens: My 15 y/o daughter, public display of affection, adult type
public display of affection, adult type, phone computer: CJ, Something is going on. I would suggest you attempt to calmly and rationally connect with her and attempt to figure out what is happening. Explaining to her they why of taking things away would be important as well. Just doing without explanation doesn...

Parenting --Teens: My 15 year old daughter, loveless marriage, depression group
loveless marriage, depression group, suffering from depression: Hello Steve, I know a little about about Parental Alienation Syndrome, since I wrote about it in one of my latest books ( Defusing High-Conflict Divorce ). Talking to your co-parent is the best thing both of you can do. Of course, you and your co-parent...

Parenting --Teens: 15 year old daughter, step dad, definite plans
step dad, definite plans, dark hole: Dear Shelley: I am so sorry. I can hear your heartbreaking in your posting. I know how hard it is to deal with a child who is depressed. I went through it with one of my own children. Finding services is not only a challenge it seems insurmountable when...

Parenting --Teens: 15 year old daughter, positive reinforcement, teen years
positive reinforcement, teen years, fun things: Dear Rhonda: First of all she needs to hear you will not continue any conversation that she treats you disrespectfully. This means you walk away from her first! Next when you say you tried rewards this is not a good idea either. Sometimes positive reinforcement...

Parenting --Teens: 15 year old girl that hates her family, provincial town, intrests
provincial town, intrests, family trips: Hello Paola, I don t think you are doing anything wrong. The problem is basically in your daughter. Some children react differently to the changes in adolescence than others. I think your daughter is depressed. She is perhaps more interested in boys and...

Parenting --Teens: 15 year old girl - out of control, james windell, substance abuse treatment
james windell, substance abuse treatment, throwing up blood: Hello Gayle, With this kind of radical change in a short period of time, she needs to be seeing a therapist who is an expert on teenagers. It certainly sounds like your daughter has a serious drinking problem and she should be assessed for substance abuse...

Parenting --Teens: 15-year-old, school binder, serious mode
school binder, serious mode, head of household: Hello Gary, You may be right. And you may be suggesting that your daughter needs to see a psychotherapist. That may be true as well. Many teens can benefit from seeing a therapist. However, I think the operative word here is teen. She is a 15-year-old....

Parenting --Teens: 15 year old rude and disrespectful ran away, windows and doors, stupid kids
windows and doors, stupid kids, staying home: Hello Dale-Lynn, I d say things have gone far enough. He should be going every week to the therapist. And if he steals from you, let him know you will call the police and have him charged. If progress is not being made by him (and the family) seeing a therapist,...

Parenting --Teens: 15-year-old had sex 1st time with someone we had forbidden her to have contact., cheer squad, doses of reality
cheer squad, doses of reality, planned parenthood: Dear Amanda: Well the easy answer is to file a restraining order. However you are asking the wrong question. You maybe able to keep him from coming around but can you keep her from sneaking around behind your back. I doubt you will find that locking...

Parenting --Teens: 15 year old son, personality type, introversion
personality type, introversion, type language: Dear Mary: You son is doing well in school and it sounds like he is just introverted. Be blessed and feel grateful that his not socializing is the only problem you see him struggling with now. I suggest going to a website www.personalitytype.com and...

Parenting --Teens: My 15 year old son hates me...., empty nest syndrome, distraught mom
empty nest syndrome, distraught mom, m kay: Dear Cindi: Okay why move out? Who is the parent here? You are not serious about moving out because this teenager is stonewalling you are you really? It seem like an overreaction to something that is not as serious as it could be considering he is a teenager....

Parenting --Teens: 15 year old - total disrespect and threats, stepson, baby daughter
stepson, baby daughter, disrespect: Hello Sherry, I agree. He does need to be in therapy. In fact, I think family therapy is needed. But that may be the selling point in order to get him to go. Tell him that the whole family is going to see a family counselor to try to work out the problems...

Parenting --Teens: 15 yr. Old Troubled Teenage Girl, empty wine bottle, hiding in the closet
empty wine bottle, hiding in the closet, cigerettes: She needs attention neither you nor her mother can give. She will have a lifetime of problems unless this is fixed now. Her mother MUST take charge, and get her into a treatment facility as soon as she is found, or she will be lost forever. She s worth...

Parenting --Teens: 15 yr old daughter who wants to date someone we said NO to, age gap, danceteam
age gap, danceteam, good kid: Hi Kerry, firstly, you said that she s a good kid and that really is the main thing. You can t slow her down and it is unreasonable to say that she can t date someone older, etc because you would be forcing her to do it behind your back. You aren t with...

Parenting --Teens: 15 yr old gdaughter, stepkids, stepmother
stepkids, stepmother, strict rules: Hello Patricia, I m sorry to hear about the problems your 15-year-old granddaughter is experiencing. It s tough for a middle teen to have to cope with an unloving stepmother and a non-nurturing father. Luckily she has you. I would say that things are...

Parenting --Teens: 15 yr old son does not want to do volunteer work, volunteer work, volunteer hours
volunteer work, volunteer hours, selfish person: Anita: I don t think you are going to like my answer and still my job is to be honest with you and give you answers which will work! First of all you say, My 15 year old son is a good student and is involved in various sports or extra curriculums. So...

Parenting --Teens: My 15 yr old son., care attitude, first communication
care attitude, first communication, family meetings: I asked my teenage son to read your question and he said that your son is afraid of getting punished if he tells you the truth. Kids lie because they are afraid of the consequences of telling the truth. It s that simple. Perhaps you could change the way...

Parenting --Teens: Almost 15 yr old stepson sleeping with bio mom in her twin bed, lewd acts, parental kidnapping
lewd acts, parental kidnapping, filing a motion: I m not sure if you can stop it. If he is at his mom s I would imagine you have no authority over there. I would encourage you to speak with the mom and tell her your concerns, but unless there is a court order you don t have any power to change anything....

Parenting --Teens: 15YR OLD SON ON POT ETC, substance abuse problem, family counselor
substance abuse problem, family counselor, type of drugs: Dear Sue: First let me say I am sorry you, your family and your son are dealing with a child experiencing a substance abuse problem. Now, GET to counseling, NOW before it gets worse and it will get worse. Check out Alanon and go to the meetings. Alanon...

Parenting --Teens: 15yr daughter bad grade and attitude, cindy cindy, keith o brien
cindy cindy, keith o brien, futurepoint: Cindy, Thanks for writing. Sounds like there isn t much communication within the family...and arguing, yelling, being mean, etc., doesn t count. That s the first thing. Somehow, someway, you have to establish or re-establish that. I know it s difficult...

Parenting --Teens: 15yr old, bad grades &attitude, mounth, bad grades
mounth, bad grades, teen daughter: The first thing I would do is have a talk with her about her visitation with her father. If he visitation only serves to supply him with a free babysitter - I would not make her go. She is probably feeling that she has no worth outside watching his children....

Parenting --Teens: 15yr old boy, bad grades, girlfriend, gifted kid, acceptable grades
gifted kid, acceptable grades, bad grades: Hi Kelly, I don t see any point in not letting him see her sometimes during school breaks when there isn t homework due for school. Before he returns to school, you can discuss how he can earn credits for seeing her after school starts. Often, teens...

Parenting --Teens: 16 Year Old Daughter, funny child, grand parents
funny child, grand parents, eleventh grade: Lisa, It really does sound like your daughter is depressed. Has she had a phsysical lately. Lexapro shouldn t make one pass out I would think. I would want a physical to rule out any medical issues. Talk with her about living with her grandparents. It would...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old accused of stealing from employer, similiar problems, co signer
similiar problems, co signer, message thanks: Hi Anita, It certainly sounds like you re handling this really well. The most important thing is placing the responsibility on him. The fact that he responded well when he went to work out a repayment plan bodes well. As for grounding, I m not in favor...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old allowed to sleep with boyfriend at home, social ills, child welfare
social ills, child welfare, dropping out of school: Dear Lynn: I don t know of any authority for you to contact. To be quite blunt the child welfare people just do not seem to press charges against parents who kick their kids out of the house when they are over 14 years of age. As for the sleeping together....

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old daughter dating, doing the right thing, tough love
doing the right thing, tough love, first love: Dear Lynn: It is not a matter of doing the right thing. It is about whether or not you are really doing it. Your daughter is 16 and not that far off from being a legal adult. In my professional experience if you pull this off it is because she allows you...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old daughter, part time job, poverty level
part time job, poverty level, major depression: I think it s very possible you are being overly concerned. The only issue that concerns me is that you say you ve smelled pot in your home. If you really have, that s a problem. If you just think you have, and it s just incense or a candle, or even your...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old daughter with health issues, gastroentologist, honeymoon stage
gastroentologist, honeymoon stage, charter school: Hello Michele, She obviously needs to be in treatment -- either inpatient or outpatient. Although it seems that an inpatient facility is needed because of her inability to do what s in her best interest. Possibly medication will help. But therapy is also...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old daughter and new boyfriend, worst fears, health privacy
worst fears, health privacy, good relationship: Dear Rose: First of all she is only sixteen and you are legally and financially responsible for her. If she gets pregnant you are legally and financially responsible for both you daughter and your grandchild. Again she is only sixteen and becoming sexually...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year-old daughter, janice, participants
janice, participants, parents: Hi Janice, I would say drop it . Often times girls will make comments like that because to admit that they were active participants, to their parents, is just not something they may feel comfortable with. Hope that helps. If you need more info. let me...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son needs HELP, summer school session, low self esteem
summer school session, low self esteem, logical connection: Hello Maggie, Living with a difficult teenager can be very trying and it can strain a marriage. Scheduling a therapist is a good idea -- if the therapist is skilled at handling difficult teens. So, here s what you need to ask: 1. Has she/he worked with...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son, james windell, substance abuse program
james windell, substance abuse program, interim report card: If you don t know where ghe is and who he s with, you have to file a missing person s report with the police. It seems that he is headed for serious problems with drug use and that has to be the focus when he returns home. Your options are to go to a family...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son who doesn't make an effort with his studies, lethal cocktail, apprenticship
lethal cocktail, apprenticship, future school: Dear Mary: Just off the top of my head it sounds like you are doing the talking and expecting him to listen. The best approach to teens is to do more listening. Listen, listen and listen some more. He won t just open up at first. You will need to do...

Parenting --Teens: 16-year-old son with homicidal thoughts, writing screenplays, homicidal thoughts
writing screenplays, homicidal thoughts, school counselor: Hello Kate, It s impossible to know if your plan is reasonable or not. It certainly sounds like he may have a delusional thought disorder, and he will undoubtedly need both medication and treatment from an experienced therapist who has treated these kinds...

Parenting --Teens: Almost 16 year old son, heavy metal bands, scripture study
heavy metal bands, scripture study, night concerts: Hello Martha, You make it seem like it s your fault that he has a short, violent temper and that he is making poor choices. I don t really think that is the case. But what can you do to encourage less anger and aggression, and better choices? Certainly,...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son smoking pot7, james windell, smoking marijuana
james windell, smoking marijuana, use of marijuana: Hello Tom, If you believe smoking pot is bad for kids, then by all means make this very clear to your son. And back it up with consequences. He may not agree with you -- that s his privilege. However, it is your duty as a parent to tell him what you believe...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son, obedience, trash
obedience, trash: Debra, I guess it depends on if you have trained him for first time obedience. It does seem disrespectful. It also seems that you and your husband should sit with him and explain to him that you noticed it and didn t appreciate it. David www.help4life.ne...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son doing poorly in school, natural consequences, gt program
natural consequences, gt program, school question: Hello Melanie, I would suggest that you contact Bernard Gaulier, Ph.D., a psychologist in this area. He will do a very competent assessment of your son. You can reach him at 248-930-8826. If this doesn t work out, get back in touch with me. James Windel...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son, heaven and hell, open relationship
heaven and hell, open relationship, car and drive: You can do whatever it takes to make contact with your son. Just because you and your ex rarely speak doesn t mean you can t call her to try to reach your son. I would move heaven and hell to talk to my children, under any circumstance, but most assuredly...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son, chemical dependency issues, interim report card
chemical dependency issues, interim report card, pit party: Your son needs help. It sounds like he, at the least, has chemical dependency issues and possibly addiction issues. None of the things that matter to you matter to him, so all the talking and pleading and threatening in the world won t have any impact on...

Parenting --Teens: 16 year old son, interim report card, rehabilitation hospitals
interim report card, rehabilitation hospitals, pit party: Hi Susan, At least you have admitted that it was a mistake taking him out of hockey, but at the same time, you can t change the past. You can only work with what you have today. You are not in denial like so many parents. You are doing all the right things!...

Parenting --Teens: Our 16 year old son left home..., responsbility, returning home
responsbility, returning home, complete control: Hi M~ If he can t live by your rules and respect what you say,then perhaps he doesn t need to live there until he can. You are the parent,and he is the child,not the other way around. If I were in your situation that s what I would do. Sometimes you...

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr old brother acting out, good kid, family therapist
good kid, family therapist, police report: Hello Concerned Sister, It is certainly caring of you to want to help your brother and your family. I think it is important, first, for your family not to be held hostage by a 16-year-old with problems. This is a boy who needs help and the family should...

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr old daughter's escalating behavior, negative possibilities, parental supervision
negative possibilities, parental supervision, wrong choices: Hello Tina, Some teenagers learn more slowly than others. But, since she has a lot of positive qualities, you have opportunities to talk to her and explain why she got in trouble and why what she did was wrong. However, consequences will still be needed....

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr old daughter going down wrong road, adolescent substance abuse, adolescent depression
adolescent substance abuse, adolescent depression, drinking with friends: Hello Stephanie, I think a therapist who knows your daughter ought to make this kind of decision. However, let me add that the therapist she s seeing should be an expert in adolescent depression and adolescent substance abuse. If her social worker is t...

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr old daughter has relationship with 22 yr old, dinning room table, dependable car
dinning room table, dependable car, power struggle: Hi once again, See there, you were doing all the right things as far as I knew to tell you. You did deserve a big hug. It s hard enough raising teens with two parents much less with just one of us. I just do know the more you try to get them not to do something,...

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr old daughter and, unfit parents, mom and dad
unfit parents, mom and dad, sexual preference: If I understood your first post you indicated you knew she was a lesbian and you still let her sleep with you daughter. That is what I am confused about. Lesbians are attracted to females. I can t imagine you would have let a boy sleep with her in the same...

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr old daughter smoking pot at the house, horrible drug, smoking pot
horrible drug, smoking pot, negative feelings: I know. I ve never been that harsh with anyone. As soon as I hit the send button I thought better of it, but at the same time, I wanted you to be aware of the seriousness of what is going on here. I knew you weren t a Welfare Mother from your first letter,...

Parenting --Teens: My 16 yr. old daughter moved out, dealing with teenagers, grown ups
dealing with teenagers, grown ups, dear mary: Dear Mary Anne, I am so sorry your are in pain. I am not sure from the information you shared what is going on as there is not enough detail here. Was this the first fight? I am sure it must not be. What were you arguing about? What do you think is...

Parenting --Teens: My 16 yr old son wont go to school., james windell, learning disability
james windell, learning disability, loving parent: Hello Vickie, In order to deal with this problem, you and your co-parent have to work together. It sounds like right now you have been working against each other rather with each other. It s always possible for one parent of a teen to undermine the other....

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr old son with out of the blue rages, anger management techniques, james windell
anger management techniques, james windell, temper tantrums: Hello Debbie, Children who are prone to temper tantrums do not necessarily outgrow them. And because the middle adolescent years involves a lot of transitions and frustrations, teens often look -- and act -- a lot as they did as much younger children. ...

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr. old son in a unhealthy relationship, family counselor, unhealthy relationship
family counselor, unhealthy relationship, serious relationship: Susan you are right to be concerned...but I cannot really give you as much help as you need. You need a family counselor or therapist...At the very least isn t there a man somewhere in that boys life that he will listen to or respect??? A minister? A teacher?...

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr. old son - don't know what to do, hand sanitizer, story in a nutshell
hand sanitizer, story in a nutshell, drug paraphernalia: Kathy, From the beginning of your question I see that you attempt to minimize your sons behavior to some degree. never been in trouble before... didn t have the pocket knife blade pulled...So what I offer to you is to let your son fully experience the consequences...

Parenting --Teens: 16 yr. old son, mini cigars, smoking cigars
mini cigars, smoking cigars, nightstand: Dear Gina, Please ignore any response you received from me earlier. The site malfunctioned. Your question is quite vague, so I m not really sure how to answer it. Most questions include a background and history, but I ll do the best I can. I m...

Parenting --Teens: 16yr old dating an 18yr old, maturity level, soccer matches
maturity level, soccer matches, 16th birthday: I m not sure how the laws read in the UK but in the US, as long as the adult (18 or older) is within three years of the minor s age, it s not considered an issue. Two years difference is no big deal, as far as I m concerned, but there are often issues that...

Parenting --Teens: 16yr old son smoking & drinking, smoking cigarettes, exit exams
smoking cigarettes, exit exams, little contact: Hello Julie, There are reasons teens use cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. It usually has most to do with his peer group and his feelings about himself. He may see himself as incompetent at school -- or in life. He may be depressed and substances help him cope...

Parenting --Teens: 17 Year Old Daughter, selfish child, lovely daughter
selfish child, lovely daughter, good heart: BJ, You first need to come to the realization that what you describe your daughter as is not who she truly is. You say she is good-hearted, loving etc...if that were true then she would steer far way from this relationship. She is hurting children by being...

Parenting --Teens: 17 Yr. old Son Doesn't listen? Care?, james windell, auto accidents
james windell, auto accidents, private christian school: Hello Tonya, I would suggest that the first intervention is to take away his car. Driving as a teenager is a privilege, which he is not earning at the present time. As with all privileges, they should be earned. He can earn driving time by completing...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old acting out?, first girlfriend, part time job
first girlfriend, part time job, spare bedroom: Hi Paula, sorry for the delay in answering your question. My first thought is that there may be drugs involved here. When there is a change in personality like that it could be drugs or possibly the start of a mental health problem. Is there a history of...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old "adult", own clothes, mediatation
own clothes, mediatation, steady job: Dear Lin: This is the hardest part of parenting. Letting go. She doesn t think she is an adult. She will by law be an adult. Do I approve of her behavior? Certainly not. You are not going to want to hear what I have to say yet, I and other parents have...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old daughter problems, broken relationships, smoking pot
broken relationships, smoking pot, family counseling: Riley, Your daughter definitely sounds lost. I imagine she had a lot of pain over broken relationships in her life. What I suggest you do is let her experience the consequences of her choices. This will mean not just having brushes with law enforcement, but...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old daughter, change of scenery, space account
change of scenery, space account, going away to college: Hello Juanita, Sorry to hear about the problems with your daughter. Over all, she seems like a nice, responsible young lady. However, her sneaking out and the lame excuses she uses ( I m bored ) suggests she likes the thrill of defying her parents and doing...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old daughter, chest of drawers, sarah harrison
chest of drawers, sarah harrison, psychiatric help: Dear Sandie, Many times when a teen acts as yours is acting, she is on drugs, just like my son was. It is so very hard for us as the parent to see or admit, but she might be trying to put the blame on you so that you can t put it on her. When she keeps people...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old doesn't bring friends hom, respectful tone, step dad
respectful tone, step dad, chores: Tess, You son is showing his will and it sounds as if you have let him do it in a very disrespectful way. I have no problem with your solution to his talking more respectfully or doing chores. The problem is that you probably argue with him about it. You...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old 'moody' daughter, socialization skills, independent adult
socialization skills, independent adult, moodiness: Dear Shelley: You maynot like my answer however my job is to be honest with you. Referring to your daughter as bitchy is really sexist and belittling. Possibly some of her moodiness may have something to do with this behavior as well. Even more surprising...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old obsessed with girlfriend, james windell, private boys
james windell, private boys, driving laws: Hello Patti, Yes, you run the risk of increasing the obsession. But if you don t put limits on him, you run the risk of his attitude and behavior continuing to deteriorate. You have still a great deal of control over his life for the next two years. You...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old son--when to let go, school fulltime, crapper
school fulltime, crapper, flip side: Hello Stephanie, It s good to hear that your son is going to school fulltime and will graduate this year. I think you have to be fairly flexible with older teens because things change so frequently. He will be 18 in a few months and will either go to college...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old son, quiet thinker, different types of personalities
quiet thinker, different types of personalities, goody two shoes: Dear Bud: First of all you need to separate what is your issue and what is your son s. You said: As his Dad this bothers me as I can see myself in that situation when I was his age. I was like him but started drinking and acting mach to fit in. He is...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old son dating 16 year old that no one in our family likes, eggs in one basket, breathing down your neck
eggs in one basket, breathing down your neck, extended family: Debbie, Boundaries are always a good things for kids to experience. Helping him keep his focused balanced around a few things is important. Think of it as not keeping all his eggs in one basket. If all the eggs are with the girlfriend and it doesn t work...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old son, best case scenario, michael dear
best case scenario, michael dear, drugs and alcohol: Dear Michael, I understand that in a perfect world, it wouldn t be the best case scenario, but what is the reason you don t want him to live with the friend? If this friend s parents are willing, it might be the best thing for him. We took in a friend...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old is staying out all night, james windell, stay out all night
james windell, stay out all night, fri: Hello Michael, A lot of 17-year-olds think they re grown up enough to set their own rules and to do such things as stay out all night. When you talk with him, emphasize that while his friends may have parents who think it s okay for them to stay out all...

Parenting --Teens: 17-year-old wants to drive out of state to visit girlfriend at college, part time jobs, parenting skills
part time jobs, parenting skills, constant fear: Kim, Your job is to maintain some type of influence over your son not control. It seems you guys could meet in the middle somewhere. Going every three weeks seem a bit outrageous. I imagine he is fearful of losing her and doesn t know how to deal with the...

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old wants to move out, dropping out of school, strong desire
dropping out of school, strong desire, e park: Hello Norm, I agree it is important that your son stay in school and finish his education. Dropping out of school does increase the risk of getting involved in drugs and other trouble. However, as he gets older he s going to make more of his own decisions....

Parenting --Teens: 17 year old, adult supervision, trouble with the law
adult supervision, trouble with the law, court hearing: Hello Gramma, Sometimes no matter how hard we try we can t quite provide the control, supervision and family life we d like for our kids -- whether our own or our grandchildren. I wonder about his going to court if he got put on probation, or just paid...

Parenting --Teens: 17 yr old daughter, car work, single mom
car work, single mom, absent father: Hi, Yes, I know. It is difficult. And kids can just break your heart sometimes. But the court did a good thing by placing her on probation and orderng her to an eating disorder support group. I hope this goes well for her -- and for you. Hang in there....

Parenting --Teens: 17-yr-old daughter's insults, ssi disability, school fulltime
ssi disability, school fulltime, community mental health: Lisa, You should not accept that behavior from your daughter. That means withholding things, grounding etc...If she doesn t abide by that then when she is 18 she is OUT!! She probably doesn t like the situation she is in, but it doesn t seem like it can change....

Parenting --Teens: 17 yr old daughter, morals and values, self worth
morals and values, self worth, self respect: Paula, In my opinion I think you are doing her harm. It s not about being strict it is about teaching her self-respect. If in your opinion it is respectful for a 17 yr old unmarried young woman to be sleeping with her boyfriend then you won t listen to what...

Parenting --Teens: 17 yr. old daughter, secret wishes, stable family
secret wishes, stable family, wife beater: Lori, Keep the faith and carry on. A couple of thoughts... First - see if you can at some point, have a conversation with your ex that calls him to step up as a father and human being. Perhaps there will come a day where he can agree to not undermine...

Parenting --Teens: 17 yr old disrespect mouthiness, arrogant attitude, graduation ceremony
arrogant attitude, graduation ceremony, shadow of a doubt: Dear D: Whoa! An argument that happened when a day ago or a few moments ago and you are now contemplating not attending his graduation? Get some perspective. This argument neither of you will remember in 10 years however, he will remember you did not go...

Parenting --Teens: 17 yr old Moved out and now pregnant, good relationship, train wreck
good relationship, train wreck, critical time: Hello Mari, If your daughter is really Bipolar, it may be very difficult to understand her and why says and does certain things. I don t know what state you live in, but the juvenile age ends at 16 in many states and kids become an adult at 17. That...

Parenting --Teens: 17 yr old post move, varsity hockey team, friendship connection
varsity hockey team, friendship connection, social climate: Trish, I don t know your experience, but when I went to college I didn t know anyone. I ended up meeting my wife there and making friends. What your son is experiencing while painful is only temporary. I can t cure normal. What you describe is normal for...

Parenting --Teens: 17 yr old son & what friends think, inadequacies, curfew
inadequacies, curfew, marsha: Marsha, This sounds more like your son projecting his own inadequacies onto you. He views himself poorly and doesn t really know how to deal with it. It shows up as him treating your poorly to make himself feel better. So addressing that would be a start...

Parenting --Teens: My 17 yr old stepdaughter won't get a job, coastal carolina college, 17 year old girls
coastal carolina college, 17 year old girls, emotional spectrum: Your letter accurately describes at least half the 17-year-old girls in this country. Much of this behavior is normal for her age based on the personality you have described. You ve done the right thing by getting her in to see a psychologist. Let him/her...

Parenting --Teens: 17 yr old suddenly defiant, first girlfriend, sophomore year
first girlfriend, sophomore year, freshman year: Hello Rachel, I think you re right to put limits on him, because he has shown that he is not capable of putting controls on his own behavior. In fact, he loses all perspective and forgets what s in his best interest. Yes, I agree. He may be using his depression...

Parenting --Teens: 17yr olds lifestyle, mail box, curfue
mail box, curfue, smoking pot: Hello Cee, Your son has a serious adjustment problem which is putting his immediate future in jeopardy. With smoking pot and drinking, he is able to avoid responsibilities; and he is able to avoid caring about school or much of anything else. At the rate...

Parenting --Teens: at 18, not the daughter I raised. No ethics; a trainwreck, james windell, abusive relationship
james windell, abusive relationship, cynical person: Hello Nancy, I d be glad to work with you (via email) to try to figure out what is what. Being ADHD, obviously, doesn t cause her to be in an abusive relationship or to change into a more cynical person. I think you need to give me more information....

Parenting --Teens: 18 Year Old Son - Walked Out (HELP), 13 year old boys, senior prank
13 year old boys, senior prank, gold fish: Sue, As much as you love this son, lets set the emotion aside for the moment. What he had given you is a lot information. He has told you essentially he is not willing to listen to reason and is willing to do a potentially criminal act (I am assuming) for...

Parenting --Teens: 18 YR OLD SON, state statutes, child support
state statutes, child support, kay: Dear ACJESSUP: I am not an attorney. If this is about child support then you need to check the state statutes in your state and consult with an attorney to see if you are required to support your son after he turns 18 years of age. If you asking about...

Parenting --Teens: 18 y/o son, james windell, zero tolerance policy
james windell, zero tolerance policy, strained relationship: Hi Diane, I think you can give your son some very clear options. The options (I think) are these: 1. He can clean up his act and continue in his present college; 2.He can try to get into another college; 3. He can live on his own (working to support...

Parenting --Teens: 18 year old daughter of girlfriend, high scholl, bi polar disorder
high scholl, bi polar disorder, abusive father: Dear Penn... Please forgive my delay in response. For some reason, I did not receive your question at the time that you posted it. This happens occasionally. Your step daughter needs some help. Her behavior is the result of never having healed from...

Parenting --Teens: can an 18 year old daughter be the cause of a failed marriage?, step dad, parenting skills
step dad, parenting skills, second chance: Dear Kathryn, You are NOT to blame and you are doing a wonderful job of hanging in there in spite of tough times. DO busy yourself with your own plans for your own long term best interests...DO go to your college, and stay on track. You have lots of potential...

Parenting --Teens: 18 year-old daughter not going to high school, old boyfriends, efflexor
old boyfriends, efflexor, school counselors: Hello Mary Rose. I m sorry to hear about the problems with your daughter. She seems to have many good qualities, along with her problems. I m wondering why you are asking me your questions instead of her psychiatrist. Is this because the psychiatrist is...

Parenting --Teens: 18 year old driving me out of my house, total chaos, weekends and holidays
total chaos, weekends and holidays, short periods: Hello Tina, Taking on the parenting responsibilities of a stepchild is a very dangerous thing. Stepchildren usually resent us because we have entered the family s life and they may automatically blame us for their parents problems or divorce. Then, to try...

Parenting --Teens: 18 year old who left home, work voice mail, high school graduation
work voice mail, high school graduation, party crowd: Dear Becki: I am so sorry you have so much going on in your life right now. As for the 18 year old daughter she is after all 18 years of age. I cannot imagine a family fight getting physical with an 18 year old. Your husband is certainly fortunate she...

Parenting --Teens: 18 year old lies about everything, good kid, insecurity
good kid, insecurity, nephew: I m not really sure why some kids do this. Sometimes I think it s more about ego/insecurity than anything else...especially when they re caught and can t own up to it. They re too insecure in themselves to just stop and say, You re right. I m sorry. ...

Parenting --Teens: 18-year old smoking pot, smoking pot, change of strategy
smoking pot, change of strategy, younger son: Hello Kim, Yep, there are a lot of complicated situations with teens. But I agree with you. You can t control very much with older adolescents. So, continue to pick your battles and watch his grades. Keeping your younger son strong makes sense. That means...

Parenting --Teens: 18 year old son is psycho, james windell, personal protection order
james windell, personal protection order, war and games: Hello Angela, It s not fair for you to have to live this way. I think you have to go to the prosecuting attorney in your county and fill out a domestic violence complaint against him. Furthermore, you should go to the appropriate court in your county (Circuit...

Parenting --Teens: 18 year old son, drinking alcohol, grand mal
drinking alcohol, grand mal, trileptal: Leigh, Your next course of action is to follow through. You CANNOT threaten and then not follow through. Your son has a mental illness that he is not taking seriously. The only way to help him is for him to take meds consistently. That should be required...

Parenting --Teens: 18 year old son, james windell, part time job
james windell, part time job, young adults: Hello Denise, I don t remember anything in the Constitution about teenagers being guaranteed an automobile or an apartment. So, I don t believe they are entitled to a car or an apartment. Nor are you required to support your son for the next several years....

Parenting --Teens: My 18 year old son, relationship rebound, everyday question
relationship rebound, everyday question, marriage problem: Jill, You can t do anything other than let him know what is okay for you. If he CHOOSES to not abide by what you have asked then you need to decide the following. Will you let it go or follow through. If you follow through then you inform him he will be paying...

Parenting --Teens: my almost 18 year old son!, steady boyfriend, double shifts
steady boyfriend, double shifts, wek: Renee, I would agree with you that it sounds as if you have spoiled this son. You are seeing the results of the spoiling. He doesn t respect you because you have given him everything with no strings attached. Effective relationships don t work that way. Enmeshed...

Parenting --Teens: 18 yo son thinks world is a joke, academic achievement award, sophomore year
academic achievement award, sophomore year, smoking pot: Dear Dawn, I feel so sorry for you...but I am not an expert in this type of behavior; I am an early childhood expert and have written a weekly parenting Q and A column for 20 years. I have 4 kids and 4 grand kids and one great grandchild and we have dealt...

Parenting --Teens: Thanks for advice on 18 yo son, academic achievement award, sophomore year
academic achievement award, sophomore year, emotional stability: Hello Dawn, That s the scary part about kicking a kid out; they may not have any place to go. However, usually they end up talking to other marginal kids and finding someplace to land. And then that s where it really gets difficult for parents because so...

Parenting --Teens: Thanks, but..., private sessions, decent grades
private sessions, decent grades, logical reasons: Dawn, I read and re-read both of your letters and my response to you. The written word is wonderful, however has some limitations. Tone of voice, attitude, implied meanings...not all of them are the same from writer to reader. I certainly didn t mean...

Parenting --Teens: 18-yr old son smoking pot again, smoking pot, loving relationship
smoking pot, loving relationship, 15 yr old: I think you re on the right path. Test him. When it s positive, take away all privileges. It needs to hurt or it will have no impact. He has to start back at Square One. In addition, since you have such a good relationship, it s time to talk about...

Parenting --Teens: 18 yr old son lazy in school, unexpected surgery, 18years
unexpected surgery, 18years, good kid: Gayla, First stop babying. He is 18 and must believe he can handle things. You should let him know that you love him and then explain as long as he is getting an f he can t do ????? or can t go ???? he will say he is 18 and he can do what he wants then you...

Parenting --Teens: 18 yr.old son whose an only child, bat out of hell, good kid
bat out of hell, good kid, soccer player: Thank you for trusting me with this. I will answer according to my experience. I m sure my mom right now feels just the way you do. I was always a very very good girl. I wore dresses, kept my hair long, scoffed at people who dyed their hair and at people...

Parenting --Teens: 18 yrs old....curfew?, temp basis, part time job
temp basis, part time job, lucky days: Hi Jazmin~ Your parents are probably just doing that b/c they are concerned out you being out very late at night on weekends. Maybe you could ask them to extend your curfew by an hour on the weekends. Plead your case to them, and tell them that you are...

Parenting --Teens: 19 Year Old Son, outpatient rehab, substantive conversation
outpatient rehab, substantive conversation, snack bar: Hello Jim, I m sorry to hear about the extensive problems you ve had with your son. And I m also sorry to hear that a kid with promise is blowing all the opportunities that he has. You do have, however, a few options.: 1.) You can continue to let him...

Parenting --Teens: 19 Yr Old Step Son to Be, low self esteem, wrestling match
low self esteem, wrestling match, legal trouble: Hello Greg, I m sorry to hear about all of the problems with your stepson (to be). However, at this point, I don t think you and his mother have much choice. You have to stop bailing him out and I think you have to ask him to leave. As long as you provide...

Parenting --Teens: 19 year old boy, work ethic, parenting styles
work ethic, parenting styles, pulling teeth: Tony, If you are really in consistent communication with your son, then you are certainly going forward in a solid direction. Unfortunately, the communication isn t landing, which I know can be frustrating. There are only two things i can say based...

Parenting --Teens: 19 year old daughter, james windell, compulsive liar
james windell, compulsive liar, good relationship: Hello Stephani, It is difficult sometimes to like your older teenager. They may not reflect your most treasured values, the traits you d like to see in your children, and the qualities you d feel proud of. And then when they treat you and others in the...

Parenting --Teens: 19-year-old daughter, sophmore, coworker
sophmore, coworker, mother daughter: Hello Donna, I m sorry to hear about the estranged relationship with your daughter. I m going to assume that you have let her know that you don t like her boyfriend. That often leads grown-up children to reject their parents. I think if you want a relationship...

Parenting --Teens: 19 year old living at home - does as she pleases, short periods, litter box
short periods, litter box, older sister: Hello Fed Up Mom, No, your expectations are not unreasonable.It doesn t mean she will live up to them, but they are not unreasonable. Since some of her behavior is having an impact on you, I suggest that you give some ultimatiums. First, about the ferret....

Parenting --Teens: My 19 year old son who is flailing away........, margerum, private patients
margerum, private patients, k mart: Hi Debbie, Here are some therapists who may be able to help your son: 1. Steve O’Neill Davis Counseling 37923 W. 12 Mile Rd Farmington Hills, MI 48331 248-553-8550 2. Scott Allen: 248-626-7008 26111 W. 14...

Parenting --Teens: 19-year old son, heart of hearts, single mom
heart of hearts, single mom, broken homes: In cases of divorce where the mother becomes the custodial parent, the oldest son usually becomes her emotional husband replacement, so when he leaves, it s like losing your husband all over again. You have more control over a son than a spouse, so you...

Parenting --Teens: 19 year old son, natural consequences, stellar student
natural consequences, stellar student, poor choices: Hello Lisa, It seems to me that the biggest concern here should be his drinking. All (or most all) of his problems relate to drinking. My concern would be that he has a problem with alcohol. If you want to talk about consequences, how about taking his...

Parenting --Teens: 19 year old, medical insurance program, proxac
medical insurance program, proxac, proper medical care: Hello Bill, Our children are always presenting new challenges, aren t they? I think we need to look at the positives first of all. Your daughter came to you at age 19 to talk about being sexually active. Instead of becoming sexually active like a majority...

Parenting --Teens: 19 years old -- now what??, old man child, college part time
old man child, college part time, school girlfriend: Hi Lisa, It s interesting how our children become more like us as they get older, right? You have a bright son who is capable of figuring out that he is burning the candles at both ends. However, even smart college students ocassionally need mom to provide...

Parenting --Teens: 19 yr old college step-daughter and boyfriend, adult choices, step daughter
adult choices, step daughter, stepdaughter: Dear Russ: I am not sure what the problem is exactly. These are both adults. If you have a rule there is no sexual activity under your roof unless they are married then say so. However, realize you are dealing with two adults who from what you describe...

Parenting --Teens: 19 yr. old only son.. in trouble 2 times, evading arrest, stepdad
evading arrest, stepdad, bad behavior: Nikki, As long as you paint yourself in a corner with him nothing will change. You describe how he is responsible. Yet when it comes to things that are important to you he couldn t care less. This should show you something. He takes you for granted. As long...

Parenting --Teens: 19 yr. old son thinks he should have what ever he wants, james windell, expensive clothes
james windell, expensive clothes, police problem: Hello Scott, Yes, if you ve built in an expectation that he gets whatever he wants, then... It s a bit late now to change that, but, of course, you can. I would suggest that you cut down on the material gifts and emphasize what is truly important --...

Parenting --Teens: 19 yr old son, money, & responsibility, graduation gift, bad habit
graduation gift, bad habit, own insurance: Cindi, As much as you love your son you are NOT doing him any favors buy allowing him to be a bum in your home. You need to set up a time frame that has him moved out. As you said your daughter gets it . Your son does not. Taking care of him and bailing...

Parenting --Teens: 19 yr old won't grow up?, power struggle, pigsty
power struggle, pigsty, good kid: Sue, You are doing exactly what you should be doing. If your mother and sister are so concerned rather than be rude to you why don t they take the daughter in? You are doing the right thing in my opinion. I think to respond with integrity you be polite and...

Parenting --Teens: 20 year old Son, james windell, important decisions
james windell, important decisions, nervous wreck: Hello Ann, I would suggest that you and your co-parent together confront him and lay the problem out. In particular, you want him to obey common courtesies and rules in both of your homes (like always letting you know when he will be home). Then, you want...

Parenting --Teens: 20 year old son, james windell, court appearance
james windell, court appearance, foul mood: Hello Joan, Sorry for the delay in responding. I ve been out of town. I hope you didn t bail him out. Your initial thinking and statement to him was the right one: He knew the concert was coming up; he should have planned for it. I suspect that the less...

Parenting --Teens: 20 year old son, james windell, going to college
james windell, going to college, belongings: Hello Treesa, I m sure your son loves his life style. Who wouldn t want to be taken care of without having any responsibilities? And certainly you are not being unreasonable to want him to make it on his own. Therefore, you should set a deadline, telling...

Parenting --Teens: 20 year old son, state universities, gpas
state universities, gpas, getting a loan: Hello Bonnie, I would suggest, since he is making life miserable for everyone, that you give him a deadine. The deadline should be 30 to 60 days. And you tell him this: You have 30 (45 or 60) days to prepare to be independent. We expect you to move out...

Parenting --Teens: My 20 yr old son, self respect, taking responsibility
self respect, taking responsibility, gratitude: Dear Traecy: Gratitude is something you cannot demand from someone. However you can change your own behavior. Don t do things for people who do not show gratitude. He is 20 years old and old enough to be on his own if he cannot show respect or self-respect....

Parenting --Teens: 12 year old son defiant and abusive, consistent program, custody arrangement
consistent program, custody arrangement, disciplinarian: Hello Wanda, A consistent program would be one in which the important adults in Richard s life all work together to provide discipline and guidance. Maybe you can work towards this by all of you meeting with Richard s therapist or with another therapist...

Parenting --Teens: 13 year old daughter, happy teenager, weekend warrior
happy teenager, weekend warrior, caretaker: Dear Anita: I can hear your pain. I need you to know it isn t any easier to let them go even when they are all grown up and moving on to good things. You will still feel the pain of letting her go. I think your sons are right in that she probably won...